I love this blog. The decision to stop blogging was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. It felt like part of me had died. It’s been less than a week. I missed blogging so much. I knew I had to keep doing it. I also knew that I couldn’t blog about being disabled or living in long term care anymore. Those topics are .depressing.
Writing about conditions here made me a target. Caregivers refused to help me. I was upset and agitated all the time. It was not a good feeling. I was told I was the voice for the residents. It was a title I didn’t ask for. With that title came a huge responsibility. I can only advocate for myself. I don’t want to feel I am responsible for anyone else. That’s too stressful.
Writing about my disability is boring. Everyone can see I am disabled. What’s the point of writing about it? I want to be remembered as someone other than the woman with a disability who lived in long term care. I want to accomplish something, through my writing, that has nothing to do with my being disabled/
I came to the realization that I will never be a paid freelance writer. People tell me what a good writer I am. I have never been paid very much. I got the message. I am good, but only on a primarily voluntary basis. I am finally okay with that.
I have been given the opportunity to contribute to M.A. Cassata’s entertainment website, The Mac Wire. I want to focus on learning journalism/entertainment journalism. I don’t have the funds to take classes. I am grateful that Ms. Cassata is teaching me by allowing me to write for her site.
So, I guess you’re wondering what that means for this blog. No, this blog will NOT become an entertainment blog I’ll write about things that are important to me. Okay, once in a while, I may write about a disability issue, but that will not be this blog’s primary focus anymore.
Writing for The Mac Wire won’t change the world. All I know is since I started, I have been the happiest I have been since moving here. Maybe writing for The Mac Wire is helping me cope with being here. Don’t get me wrong, it still sucks that I am here, but it doesn’t seem to bother me as much as it used to.
I know some of you are disappointed with the choice I made. For that, I am sorry. I am almost sixty years old. I have spent years trying to be productive and earn a little money. I have always cared too much about what other people thought of me. Now, I just want to do what makes me happy.
I will post whenever I have something of interest to say. Until then… Stay tuned.