Thursday, March 2, 2017

I WILL SURVIVE

Last week I went to Paraquad.  My goal was to enter their transition program. It is a program that assists people with disabilities in transitioning out of nursing homes back into the community. 

Transitioning out of here won't work for me. It is too risky/ I do not want to try and fail. I might end up in a facility much worse than this one. I am blessed to have my own room. The state will only provide half of the number of hours I need. At least, for now, I am stuck here.

There are houses that three or four people with disabilities live together in.  They are not group homes. The are jut regular houses staffed with caregivers for the people who live there. Shortly after my mom died I was offered the opportunity of moving into one of these houses. They were looking for a fourth person. I declined because I could not imagine leaving my home. Today, knowing how things turned out, I wish I had accepted the offer. I may look into living in a house like that in future. Paraquad is keeping my case open.I was told I could call them with questions or concerns anytime.  

I have not accepted living in a facility. What has changed, however, is that I am not desperate enough to do anything where I might put myself in danger.  I was forced from my home once. I never want to experience that again.

I am still working with The Starkloff Disability Institute  I will not be making the 17-mile trip to the institute. I will be working with them via email. I appreciate their flexibility and willingness to work with me. I am looking for jobs I can do from here.

I am not happy with my situation. Sometimes, when I have been waiting a long time for assistance with the bathroom and I feel my bladder will burst or there is no aide to get me up in the morning because someone did not show up. I wonder what I did to deserve this. I wonder if I will make it.

I remember how strong my mother was. I know I will make it. I will survive.