Thursday, June 22, 2017

THE PERSON I WANT TO BE

The past few weeks have been extremely difficult. Aides arriving late or not showing up at all.Aides turning off my call light without helping me and aides leaving me without my feet strapped in on my footrests, putting me at risk of sliding out of my chair. This happened most recently, last night. My aide left after discovering the sling for the lift had disappeared.   She'd  removed my footrests before she realized the sling for the lift was gone.

I felt myself begin to slide. I did not want to slide out of my chair. I began to yell for help. The nurse finally came. She asked me why I was screaming. I told her I was falling. The nurse and my aide finally got me back in my chair. I was relieved. I was very embarrassed that I  had to yell for help. It was late. I was disturbing my fellow residents.I didn't know what else to do. I apologized to some of the residents this morning.

I used to yell for help all the time. Then my aides and I developed a routine. I trusted the aides who took care of me. I had the same people caring for me the majority of the time. Now, I never know who will be caring for me or if they will be on time. If I wake up in the morning and need to go the bathroom and no one answers my light for over half an hour, I have no choice, except to call for help. I do not want to wet the bed.

I am trying very hard to change. The lack of staff is making it difficult. There are times when I have to behave the way I did when I got here. I do not want to be that person anymore.

I am going to begin to work with Paraquad with the goal of transitioning out of this facility.  I hope to find a safe living situation in the community. It might not work.I have to explore my options. I will have to prove to the state that I am deserving of another chance. I will have to prove that I  have respect for those who care for me. I will have to demonstrate that I have the skills to communicate my needs effectively. In this facility, I am one of almost thirty people. Sometimes I have to do things I am not proud of to make sure my needs are taken care of.

I do not want to have the reputation of being someone who yells. The person I want to be is confident and respectful. Yelling is degrading. Showing respect is empowering.