Wednesday, July 26, 2017

CHAOS

I  don't have a roommate. Not yet anyway. My brother saved me, I will be forever grateful. My (almost) roommate's family saved her too.

Monday, when they moved my bed, I could not get to my desk. I got trapped on the opposite side of the room. I had a difficult time getting back to my side.

There were times when I could not catch my breath. I asked them to move my bed back to the place it had always been. They did. They pulled the curtain back all the way too. I could breathe again.

How can it be good to put two people in a room that was meant for just one person? How can it be healthy?  Does anyone care?

I will begin taking Lexapro to minimize my anxiety tomorrow.Roommate or not, this facility has become very stressful. I cannot handle living here without taking something to lessen my anxiety.There is just too much to deal with. People line the hallway. Tonight there is someone yelling. My floor has smelled of urine so strongly that I saw a visitor wearing a surgical mask.

My therapist tells me that I will get through this. That I will get to the other side. That I will be stronger. I am seeing her twice a week now. She tells me to keep working toward my goal of getting out of here. That goal is the one thing that gives me hope. If I have to live here for the rest of my life I will not survive. That statement is not meant to gain your pity. It's a fact.

Two state social workers have told me I am not sick. I do not need to be here. I have a good chance of getting out. I have to be approved. I pray a placement that can meet my needs will be found.

I have asked for help to the bathroom, but no one is coming. I had to call my brother twice before I was helped. It's really not the aide's fault. They have too many people to care for.

It is sad. This facility has put profit before people.  More residents have moved on my floor. Wings have been closed. Every day I am scared. I never know what will happen. I never know who will be caring for me.With so many to care for the care cannot possibly be as good as was before.  I hope living here is not my destiny

I have two meetings next week concerning transitioning out of here. Please send good vibes.

People, not profit.  People, not profit. People, not profit.