Saturday, July 22, 2017


The room divider and privacy curtain have been put up. My room looks like the hospital room that my grandma was in when I was young. I  look at the curtain. I wonder how this can be happening.I cannot catch my breath. Anxiety.

Noise, confusion. Furniture being moved.  Residents in wheelchairs on both sides of the hallway. The med cart, the treatment cart are in the hallway too. "Excuse me, excuse me." May I get through, please?" I was just trying to get to the dining room. It took several minutes. I finally made it.

Two staff members have been extremely kind to me. I consider them m my friends. It is because of them that I  love sushi now. They make me laugh. They listen to me. The only way I have to repay them is through my writing. I am writing each of them a fairytale. I have created plots and characters in my head. My friends are characters in their fairy tales too.   I guess I live with my head in the sand. I have been told that I live in Lala.Land. Maybe I do. Living here is extremely stressful. Writing the fairy tales take me away from my reality. Away from this place. Lala Land is a nice place to live. At least for a while.

This facility is a business. They have put that fact ahead of our comfort and needs.It is sad. I get it. I am having issues and the person hasn't moved in yet.No one should have to live this way. Everyone has a right to their own space. We are being warehoused now. I wonder if the people who make decisions affecting this facility would like to live this way? 

I met with a social worker from the Department of Mental Health. I have a good chance of getting out of here. The social worker is checking into some options. She will write a plan. It will be a slow process. It won't be soon. There is a good chance I won't have to die here. That's what I will focus on. Not all the chaos going on around here. 

I am still scared. The only thing that I can count on is that nothing will be the same. I know there is a place for me in the community. I know that my future will be better than my past.   I have to be patient. My time will come. I won't give up.