HE UNDERSTOOD

I have been seeing a therapist here since last fall. Rick would come every Friday, He listened to me and tried to help me learn better communication skills as well as ways to cope with having to live in a facility. He came without fail. 

I thought it was strange when he didn't show up by dinner last Friday.. Over the weekend, I learned the reason why. While on vacation in Florida, he was the hit-and-run victim. A truck ran him down. I was, and still am, in shock.

Rick understood the frustrations and difficulties of living in a facility. He got it. He knew it was not easy. For me personally, He understood that I would never consider this facility as my home. It is just where I have to live now. He treated me with respect and dignity The one thing that I always remember is that when we were talking he would say to me, "Well, you're a social worker, you know how it is."  Many times, when you have a disability, people talk to you as though you are not intelligent. Rick never treated me that way. He treated me as an equal. I am sure he treated everyone here the same way. He wanted to help me and everyone here get what they needed to make their lives better. The other thing he always said to me was, "I want what you want. I'm here for you."

The last time we were supposed to meet he was running late. They have a happy hour here once a month. I had planned to go.  Rick told me to go to happy hour.  He would see me again in two weeks when he returned from vacation.

Thank you Rick for caring about the things that mattered to me.

Thank you for wanting to help me become a better person. 

I will never forget you.

GRIEF...IT'S UNIVERSAL

Grief. We've all experienced it. That sense of loss and unbearable sadness when you think your life will never be the same again because the loss is so great. Grief doesn't distinguish on the basis of race,  socio-economic class, ethnic background or religion. There is no language barrier when it comes to grief. An individual's body language and facial expressions speak volumes when it comes to sadness and grief. It doesn't matter where you live, no one will escape the feelings of grief and loss in their lifetime.

 I am still grieving over Lucie. She was a constant source of joy for me, especially after my mom passed away. I am also grieving over the loss of my old way of living. The sale of my house and all of its furnishings. And, this week, I am grieving over what might have been regarding a situation that did not work out as I had hoped. I will try to move forward as best I can, 

The best way to deal with grief and loss is to wake up each day and put one foot in front of the other, keep moving, Playing word games on my computer helps me. I focus on the game rather than what's making me sad. There will be days when you may not feel like it, but you have to keep busy and think about what you can do to make your life better. And, what you can do to make someone else's life better. 

Grief is universal. It is the one thing everyone on this planet has experienced and can relate to. We need to help each other through it in any way we can. I know it is a cliche, but we are all on a journey called life. Sometimes we need a little help to get through the tough times. We need someone to listen, someone to care. We need someone to let us know we are not alone.

MY NEW LIFE

I am in a facility now. The move happened quickly. It was out of my control. The reasons are not important. October 15,,2014.  The day I had to leave Lucie in the care of my neighbor. The day I said goodbye to my old life. The day I realized my life would never be the same again. 

Life here consists of waiting. Waiting to get up in the morning, waiting to go to the bathroom, waiting for just about everything. I am one of the twenty-four residents on my floor now. It is not just about me anymore. 

It's a struggle each day to see that my needs are met. I have to be my own advocate. No one can do it for me. I have also tried to help advocate for another resident on my floor. I am considering becoming an ombudsman or getting my license to practice social work sometime in the future. I don't know what the future has in store for me, but I do know that I want to do whatever I can to help make facilities better for all of us who live in them. That's the one positive thing that has come out of my being here. I know I want to help advocate for change.

Other than my change of address, my life is pretty much the same as it always was. I still am intent on becoming a freelance journalist, I travel into the city several times a week to volunteer at my library and still eat out with friends. The only difference is I take public transportation to my destinations now. That took some getting used to, but I think  I have gotten the hang of it. I still love to read, the only difference is I download books to my PC and Kindle now. Oh yeah, I am still a Cher fan too. I listen to music all the time here.

The saddest thing that has happened since I have been here being that Lucie has passed away. Lucie died on November 23, 2014. Five weeks after I left. I miss her daily, but  I am happy because she is with my mom now. I am thankful for all the love and care she received from my neighbor during her final weeks.

I still have a life. It may not be the life I had a year ago, but I am still as independent as I can be. I think for myself and make my own decisions just like I did before. I'm still me

POSTIVE THOUGHTS MEAN POSTIVE CHANGES

I can no longer afford to keep Lucie. I have decided to give her away because it will be better for both of us. I will have the opportunity to meet the people who are taking her before I give her away. 

the good news is that they will bring her to see me I won't lose total contact with her. 

I am about to lose my van. I will have to learn to get around using transportation services for the disabled, 

I am going to apply for Medicaid. With all these upcoming changes in my life, my emotions are getting the best of me.

Why am I telling you all of this? 

To make sure that you know if you are disabled it's okay to be dependent on others for your daily needs. It doesn't matter how much or how little you can do for yourself, Being dependent does not mean you are inferior to others. Being dependent does not make you a bad person. You are worthy.

It's how you think and how you feel about yourself that is important. There will always be people ready to point out your limitations. 

Focus on your strengths. You have thoughts and ideas. You have something to offer your community.

Focus on the positive things in your life. You'll be surprised at what happens.

ENOUGH

One of my caregivers was fired for mentally abusing me. It's true, she used threats and intimidation to, for lack of a better term, keep me in line. Threatening to call my family if I didn't go to bed when she thought I should, threatening to abandon me and asking if I wanted the police to come to help me, threatening to drop me to the floor and call an ambulance if I didn't stand up when my knee was hurt. I knew the things she said were inappropriate, but I was used to it, used to her. I didn't want someone new in my home. On her last night, when those in the office heard her yelling at me and she was replaced, I began to wonder how many other clients she had treated this way? How many others had put up with her treatment as I had? How could the agency not have known?

Two weeks ago, I couldn't wake up a fill-in caregiver. Turns out, the caregiver could not hear well and that was the reason I had difficulty waking her up. Again, how could the agency not have known this? 

I know that agencies run background checks. I think more needs to be done. Perhaps monthly home visits by someone from an agency to make sure things are going well in the client's home. I had someone from my agency visit me after the caregiver had been fired. They wanted to make sure I was satisfied with the care I am receiving. Why did it take a caregiver to be accused of abuse to have someone visit me to ask how things were going in my home?

There needs to be better monitoring of the staff who work in agencies  Don't wait until a crisis has occurred to put changes into effect.  I am asking that those who work for agencies remember that the people they serve deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Those in charge should ask themselves,, Is this how I'd want to live? Is this how I'd want to be treated? If one person in charge would stop and ask themselves these questions, it would be the first step towards a cycle of change.

INDEPENDENCE IS A STATE OF MIND

This week I begin the process of looking into skilled nursing facilities. I am grateful for my family's help to find the right place. I don't want to go on government assistance and end up in a Medicaid bed in a facility.

What scares me the most, other than leaving the only home I have ever known,, is losing my independence not being able to get out and do the things I enjoy doing. Losing the ability to make decisions.

I am dependent on others for assistance with almost every aspect of daily living. Yet, I think of myself as an independent person. 

I was talking to a friend/ I told her that I fear losing my independence if I move into a facility. My friend told me that independence is a state of mind. It's how you conduct yourself and how self-assured you are. .If you act in a way that lets people around you know you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, you will be.

Independence should not be measured in terms of how much assistance someone needs, but, in how they think, and their ability to make well-thought-out decisions.

I want to blog more. I want to help others through my writing. I would like to still contribute to the community by volunteering again. 

I am still the same person,. The only thing that's changing is my address. 

D2K, WHAT A NIGHT

May 20th is Cher's birthday. However, the date has an additional significance for me now. It is the day I sprained my knee. I heard something crack in my knee as my caregiver put me back in my chair. Between the loud crack I heard and the pain I felt, whatever had happened, I knew it wasn't good.

You'll say my priorities weren't in the right place. Yes, I was worried about my knee, but I was also concerned that the diagnosis would keep me from seeing Cher's Dressed to Kill Tour on June 4th. I've had my tickets since last October. I didn't want to miss a concert I had been waiting for over nine months to see.

Thankfully, my knee was not broken. It was just badly sprained. Cher and D2K were still on.

 I'd been tweeting Cher and her friend Paulette daily in hopes of either meeting Paulette or Cher.  I also have a friend on Twitter who is friends with Paulette. I got the surprise of my life when I received an email asking about the location of our seats. Every diehard Cher fan knows that if Paulette asks where you're sitting, it either means you are meeting one or both of them.

The weeks passed. My knee hurt, but I knew nothing would keep me from seeing Cher.

The morning .of the concert, I received an email from my friend on Twitter saying Paulette would definitely come by and say hello to us. Since I was on bed rest until it was time to get ready for the concert, I called my friend, JoAnn who was going to the concert with me. "Paulette's coming by to see us," I told her. I still had hopes of meeting Cher too. Whatever happened, I knew it would be a night to remember. I sent JoAnn on a mission to get gifts for Cher.

Before I knew it we were on our way to the concert venue. It was exciting to see all the fans waiting to go inside. We found our seats and had only been there a few minutes when someone said, "Hi, are you, Joanne? I'm Paulette." JoAnn had gotten a beautiful bouquet of white roses and pink lilies as well as a box of chocolate truffles because she'd read online that white roses and lilies are Cher's favorite flowers. She likes chocolate too. Paulette told me Cher was busy backstage and a meet and greet were not possible that night. Paulette said Cher knew about me and that she would take my gifts backstage to her. We took pictures and then it was time for Paulette to go. She stopped to talk with other fans. As she was leaving. I heard her say, "Bye Joanne."

Cyndi Lauper sang many songs from her She's So Unusual album. The album is thirty years old this year. Cyndi really connects with the audience. What impressed me most was how she went out into the audience, shaking hands with as many people as she could.  Cher could not have chosen a better performer to open for her.

Cher was amazing. From costumes to songs, to special effects, Cher did not disappoint. I loved the entire show. I especially liked the circus introduction to Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves. Cher sang The Beat Goes On and I Got  You, Babe, With Sonny. Watching her sing with a video of Sonny was very moving. Seeing her suspended and fly over the audience while singing I Hope You Find It was awesome.

Several days later, I received an email from Paulette saying how much Cher liked my gifts. I look at that email now and still can't believe it.

Thank you, Jill, Paulette, JoAnn, Gary, and Cher for giving me a night I'll never forget.








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