DAWN

She was the first person I met when I visited the house.
Dawn

She picked me up on moving day.
She has been with me every step of the way.
Dawn.

She manages the house with ease.
Making sure we all have what we need.
Dawn.

Her dedication knows no bounds.
Arriving at 6 A.M.
Her day seems to never end.
Dawn.

Caregiver, chauffer, cook and more.
She never knows what her job has in store.
Dawn.

Phone calls appointments,, paperwork.
Check, check, check,
If a caregiver is a no-show she is on deck.
Dawn.

Neither rain snow nor gloom of night.
Would keep her from making sure we are alright.
Dawn.

She likes to sing and dance.
Boy oh boy.
And, would you believe she's from Illinois?
Dawn.

Christmas is her favorite holiday.
She starts decorating right away/
Dawn.

This poem's a thank you for all she does.
Running the house is a labor of love/.
Dawn.

Sadly my poem is nearly done.
Just one more thing before I run.
Dawn.

Care, joy and compassion radiate through.
She wants her ladies to be happy.
There is nothing she won't do.
Dawn

As caregivers go she is one of the best.
Will she ever, go home and get some rest?
Dawn.

ALONE

Anxiety.
Depression.
Loneliness.
Fear
Alone

A new chapter.
A clean slate.
Alone.

People pleaser.
I do what I am told.
Alone.

Liar, liar. Pants on fire.
The truth is the only way.
Alone.

I am a bigger person.
A better person than I was before.
Alone

Documentation.
I roll on eggshells.
Please
Thank you.
I wait for my turn.

I don't want to screw up.
Everyone knows if I do.
News travels faster than in a game of Telephone.
Nothing is private.

The staff knows more about me than I do.
"Joanne had fruit for lunch.."
: Joanne cried."
Alone.

Conversations.
Words people have said.
Go round and round in my head.
Staying with me for days
Powerful.
Alone.

Misconstrued words.
Garbled word.
Alone.

I am trying.
God knows I am..
The staff is too.
We are on the same team.
Alone.

The things that bring me joy are...
Visitors.
NHC.
Writing
Social media
Netflix

Adversity makes me stronger.
I will survive.
I have the love of my family.
My friends.

When sadness and loneliness engulfed me.
I think of them.
I think of all the gifts that they have given.me.
Time, friendship, love, support.
Things money can't buy.

I know.

I'm not alone.
















.

I AM ME

I don't write poetry. My diva blog was not created to be a platform for poetry. The people here don't understand me. I try, believe me, I do, but I don't fit in. These words came to me. I have to write them down. It takes me a long time to type anything, so when I do, I want someone to read what have written. Writing for myself is a waste of energy.

If it is okay with you I'd like to share the words that have running through my mind. it might not even be a poem.  You be the judge. Don't worry This blog won't morph into a poetry blog. I a not that good.

I don't laugh much.

I don't joke much.

I take things seriously.

Maybe to the extreme.

That's how I am.

I am me.

I don't chair dance or sing.

Blogging's my thing.

I am me.

I don't like noise or crowds.

Way too loud.

I am me.

I don't mean to be rude.

I like my solitude.

Sometimes I  like to talk.
confusing?
I am me.

I am told I am bossy.

Not bossy, advocacy.

If I don't stand up for myself who will?
I am me.

I care.

I can't do much.

I  can listen.

if someone needs to talk.

I am me.

I am sensitive.

My feelings are easily hurt.

I am me.

I will love my family and friends.

Until the end.

I am me.

Accept me for who I am. Warts and all.

I  am. a caring, sensitive, loving opinionated, self-advocate.

I am me.

..

YOU WILL BE MISSED

I did not know Lorie, a social worker, at NHC, well,  but I feel like we are friends.

Lorie has not been at NHC for very long, but I know she made a lasting impression. She was kind and caring, always willing to help. I know this is true. Even though she was not my social worker when I was was a resident at NHC, if I needed assistance she would always tell me to let her know if there was anything she could do to help.

Lorie was a server in the dining room on Mondays. She always made sure I got my salad and fruit bowl. Everyone at NHC knows how important a salad and fruit are to me. Lorie made sure every resident was served what they asked for. If they could not get what they ordered. she apologized.

I learned Lorie was a Cher fan when she told me she had been reading my blog. She loved my posts about Cher. She cried at Cher's STL Dressed  To Kill Tour. So Did I.. We bonded. Her Karaoke rendition of Cher's 70's classic Dark Lady was awesome. However, it's her rendition of The Weather Girls hit Its Raining Men that will never be forgotten. It was epic.

Today is Lorie's last day at NHC.

Best wishes, Lorie as you begin the next chapter in your life. I will miss you.

Lorie replaced Nancy. She had big shoes to fill and she did,


.

BE...

This  Thanksgiving  I will put my struggles and worries aside. I will be...

Humbled by those around me. Their needs are greater than mine.

Appreciate the care that I receive.

Positive that my day will be filled with good food and people. that care. Thank you for giving up part of your Thanksgiving to assist me and my roommates.

Prayerful remembering the people who have lost their loved ones and possessions due to violence and natural disasters. I will pray for peace.

Thankful that I am safe. I have a roof over my head. I have food to eat.

Honored to share in the 2018 Thanksgiving Day feast.

Agreeable and allow whatever happens to happen.

Nervous about spending my first Thanksgiving in the group home. 

Kind It is such a simple thing. Why is it so difficult sometimes? Our world needs kindness now more than ever before.

Sentimental remembering our turkey cooking in my grandma's Nesco Cooker, my mom's carrot casserole, my dad being the only one in the family who liked mincemeat pie,, the turkey being carved with my grandpa's electric knife, and the pilgrim salt and pepper shakers on the table. Remembering Thanksgiving we had a turducken.

Grateful for my friends and family All of you continue to be a source of strength for me. Standing by me on my life journey.  I am blessed to have all of you in my life.

Introspective by examining and getting lost in my thoughts. Being introspective is a good quality to have when you are a writer. It helps in the creation of story plots and characters.

Visual I will be watching. and waiting as the meal is prepared.

Informed when I ask my roommates about the Thanksgiving traditions that are important to them. 

Nutritious and eat healthily. You're not buying that, are you?  

Grateful that the nursing home has not turned its back on me. I love happy hour. I look forward to celebrating an early Thanksgiving with everyone.

What will you BE this Thanksgiving?

THE BEST GIFT

The day after Halloween someone asked me what I  wanted for Christmas. it is difficult to think about Christmas when Thanksgiving is still almost a month away. I said e-books and a CD. That's not what I really.want.

They keep telling me here I have to let my pride go. It's okay to let other people pay for things for me. There is no shame in being on food stamps. I was not raised to accept charity, but that's what I have to do now in order to do the things that I enjoy. I had a friend whose attitude was if someone wants to pay for something for you, let them do it. Medicaid has forced me to adopt that attitude. It is a difficult concept for me to grasp. I was told my financial situation would improve when I moved into a group home. That's not the case. It is worse.

I will never be able to repay my family for all that they have done for me. All the financial help and time they have spent assisting me. All I can do is thank them. Tell them I love them. I appreciate everything they have done for me more than I can say. 

Last week the best week. My friends Jenny and Susan took me to see A Star is Born. it's a love story and a concert.  Two of my favorite things. Lady Gaga is sure to win an AcademyAward. I hope the movie is awarded the honor of best picture. Bradley Cooper Rules!! 

I went to the Halloween Party at NHC. The DJ and karaoke were fun. Sondra, I loved your witches hat. Thanks for letting me wear it. Friday, I was back at NHC for happy hour. I enjoy being with my friends.  I will be at more happy hours as well as the Thanksgiving celebration. I am glad they still want me to participate in their activities.

It has been suggested to me that I join groups, make new friends. I thought that I would want to. I don't. I am blessed with family and friends who care. Why would I want new friends? I already have the best. I thought I would want to do a lot. The realities of living here have set in. All I feel is tired.

The only thing I really want is to spend time with my family and family this holiday season. Family and friends are truly a gift. I  hope all of you receive the gift of time spent with friends and family this holiday season.