Tuesday, July 19, 2016


I wanted to go back to school.  I wanted to study journalism. Two obstacles stood in my way.  I did not have the funds to pay for classes. Vocational Rehabilitation had assisted in paying for my degrees in social work. They refused to pay for another. I do not have the stamina I used to take a number of classes. By  the time I earned my degree, I'd probably be close to seventy. Too old to be embarking on a second career.

I have been writing for a local online newspaper for a little over two years. I was paid once a month. My column even made it into the paper's print edition twice. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to write and be paid/ I never really felt appreciated. My name wasn't listed as a columnist. .Sometimes my columns would be lost. I have submitted the same column numerous times and never received a response. .This blog is extremely important to me. I need to know my work is valued.  Perhaps my blog is not the right fit for the paper anymore. Or perhaps, it's just time for me to move on.Whatever the reason, I am glad to have had the experience.

Writing for The Mac Wire allows me to combine two things I love. Writing and celebrity entertainment news. I am learning so much. The first thing I learned was that in order to report effectually I have to stop thinking like a fan. I am a journalist reporting news. It has nothing to do with me personally I am learning how to build a story around a celebrity quote, gather additional information to support the quote and find the right photo to enhance the story.   I am seeing firsthand how quickly news becomes outdated.  

Last night,, I had a deadline for a story before it became old news. I was tired. I did not know if I could write the story in time. I pushed myself. I did it. I felt like a journalist.

For the young girl inside of me who dreamed of being Rona Barrett, writing for The Mac Wire is a dream come true.

Friday, July 8, 2016


Someone cursed me out the other day. I'm talking about the full on Shut the Front Door F Word. The reason,, because I said  they;d have to wait their turn to be served, in the dining room, like everyone else.They informed me they don't like to wait, while waving their arm for faster service,.They cursed again. I asked them to stop. "I'm sixty-six years old, I'll curse if I want," was their reply.

I asked for the rest of my food, ate hurriedly and left. I was angry and hurt. I didn't eat lunch that day. I ate early that evening. I was finished by the time the other person arrived. I like eating before everyone comes.in the dining room. I enjoy the peace and quiet.

The incident angered me because I  had been disrespected. I am a woman and a fellow resident. I had been waiting too. Why should someone who'd just arrived get served before me?

I see how hard the servers work. For the most part, I wait my turn. If I do complain, I try to as respectful as I can.. I am not perfect. I get angry, but no matter what, I always say please and thank you to anyone who has helped me here. 

I think the Human Race as a whole has forgotten that we are all doing the same thing. We are all trying to live life the best way we can. We should be trying to help one another, not just help ourselves.  Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.  Everyone has a purpose. Everyone matters 

I still have not gotten an apology from the person who cursed. That;s okay. I didn't expect one. We are not speaking yet. That may or may not change. I don't know. I would have appreciated an apology or kind word.  I guess the person doesn't feel they need to offer one.

I pray that someday the people of the world stop thinking only of Me and start thinking of We. I pray that someday the world will be peaceful again. I believe it can happen if We work together.

Thursday, July 7, 2016


I love this blog. The decision to stop blogging was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. It felt like part of me had died. It’s been less than a week. I missed blogging so much. I knew I had to keep doing it. I also knew that I couldn’t blog about being disabled or living in long term care anymore. Those topics are .depressing.

 Writing about conditions here made me a target. Caregivers refused to help me. I was upset and agitated all the time. It was not a good feeling. I was told I was the voice for the residents.  It was a title I didn’t ask for. With that title came a huge responsibility. I can only advocate for myself. I don’t want to feel I am responsible for anyone else. That’s too stressful.

Writing about my disability is boring. Everyone can see I am disabled. What’s the point of writing about it?  I want to be remembered as someone other than the woman with a disability who lived in long term care. I want to accomplish something, through my writing, that has nothing to do with my being disabled/ 

I came to the realization that I will never be a paid freelance writer. People tell me what a good writer I am. I have never been paid very much. I got the message. I am good, but only on a primarily voluntary basis.  I am finally okay with that.

I have been given the opportunity to contribute to M.A. Cassata’s entertainment website, The Mac Wire. I want to focus on learning journalism/entertainment journalism. I don’t have the funds to take classes. I am grateful that Ms. Cassata is teaching me by allowing me to write for her site.

So, I guess you’re wondering what that means for this blog. No, this blog will NOT become an entertainment blog I’ll write about things that are important to me. Okay, once in a while, I may write about a disability issue, but that will not be this blog’s primary focus anymore.

Writing for The Mac Wire won’t change the world. All I know is since I started, I have been the happiest I have been since moving here. Maybe writing for The Mac Wire is helping me cope with being here. Don’t get me wrong, it still sucks that I am here, but it doesn’t seem to bother me as much as it used to.

I know some of you are disappointed with the choice I made. For that, I am sorry.  I am almost sixty years old. I have spent years trying to be productive and earn a little money. I have always cared too much about what other people thought of me. Now, I just want to do what makes me happy.

I will post whenever I have something of interest to say. Until then… Stay tuned.

Friday, July 1, 2016


This will br my last blog post. Writing this blog has ceased to be fun for me. Writing posts has become stressful. I spend too much time trying make sure my typing, grammar and spelling are perfect.This blog is flawed like me. Guess that's why my mistakes never bothered me that much. Perhaps if I had done a better job at proofing and editing, more writing opportunities would have been offered to me.

I started this blog on July 7, 2012. It's purpose was to give readers an idea of what life was like for me when I lived at home with caregivers. I wrote about the people and things that were important to me. That's why the first post was about Lucie. She meant the world to me.

When I moved to this facility, I tried to show what my life was like. Readers said I never wrote anything happy or positive. All I did was complain. I apologize. I wrote the things I did hoping to bring about a positive change. I know now that some readers didn't see it that way. Living here is very hard. With the under staffing issue and high turnover rate of aides, there is little continuity of care. I still have not gotten use to life here. I may never fully adjust.

This blog has gotten to be a burden. I didn't know what to write that readers would enjoy. It is time to stop, at least for now.

I want to try writing nonfiction, articles. I  would like to take an online class in writing nonfiction.. I don't know if that will work out or not. I would like to get better at entertainment writing. I took a webinar on memoir writing. I might do that too. I have spent years trying to prove myself, I have always tried to make a contribution to society. Now, I just want to do what makes me happy.

I tried to make readers think. I never meant to  intentionally misrepresent anything  Most importantly, I tried to bring about change by writing this blog.

That is what I hope you remember. I tried. Thank you for reading. Stay tuned.