THE SWAN WAS EVERYTHING

credit Stephen Lovekin/Shutterstock

Model. Socialite. Fashion Icon. Anderson  Cooper's mom/
Gloria Vanderbilt.

There is a title she deserved. No one thought to give it to her.  I bet even she was unaware that she deserved the title of Disability/Inclusion Advocate. I would have given her this title.  Her jeans were different from the rest.
Gloria Vanderbilt

In the 1970s, designer logos were stitched on the back pockets of their jeans. Fine, my peers' who were able-bodied. What about me?  I watched the Calvin Klein and Jordache Jeans commercials feeling completely bummed out. I could buy their jeans, but I'd sit on the designer's logo. Gloria Vanderbilt saved me from being uncool.

Vanderbilt Jeans had a white swan stitched on the front pocket. That swan meant everything to me. It wasn't long before I was the proud owner of several pairs of  Vanderbilt Jeans. Black denim, royal blue corduroys,, blue denim with red piping down the side, and a silk shirt to match. I was finally cool.

Her signature fragrance came with her trademark swan on the bottle I used her perfume for several years.

I tweeted Anderson Cooper several years ago. I told him how much Vanderbilt Jeans meant to me. In hindsight, I am embarrassed, What was I, thinking? Anderson Cooper. covers news from around the globe and I sent him a tweet about jeans. As you might have guessed he did not reply.

If I could say one thing to Gloria Vanderbilt I would thank her. In my late teens and early twenties when I desperately tried to fit in, her jeans helped me feel not so different from my peers.

Gloria Vanderbilt. Socialite, Model, Fashion Icon, Painter. Advocate for Inclusion.  That's how I will always think of her.

Rest in peace, Gloria Vanderbilt. Thank you for making a difference in my life. The swan was everything.

https://variety.com/2019/biz/news/gloria-vanderbilt-dead-95-anderson-cooper-1203245335/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfbRneB9wcA&t=160s

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

Photo Sara Krulwich/The New York Times

 History was made on June 9th at the 2019 Tony Awards. Ali Stroker became the first person in a wheelchair to win a Tony Award  She won for her performance of Ado Annie in Oklahoma.

I was going to write about her background. I was going to tell you how a car accident when she was two years old left her paralyzed from the chest down. 

Ali saw her first Broadway show when she was in first grade. That show sparked her love of theater. Perseverance and the love and support of her family made it possible for Ali to achieve her dream of appearing on Broadway.

When Ali was given the role she was hired because was the best singer/actress for the part. They looked past her wheelchair. Her talent was what was important. The fact that she had a disability was not. I hope that her win is only the beginning. We need  to see more of the disabled community represented 

Vocational Rehabilitation has deemed me unemployable. I was told no employer would pay me for the skills that I have. I held a part-time job for sixteen years despite what Vocational rehabilitation told me. With the support of my family, my dream of publishing a children's book became a reality. I fought and succeeded in getting out of a nursing home.

Teachers never told me what I could do. They never encouraged me to dream. A lot of them probably thought I would end up attending the UCP day program. A teacher told my mom to keep me in high school for an additional year because "What is she going to be able to do anyway?" She did. It was tough to watch the kids I'd been in school with for twelve years graduate without me.

Interestingly enough that teacher had a son with cerebral palsy. After being in the day program for a while her son moved into his own apartment where he lived with the assistance of PCAs for many years.

Children with disabilities have so many more opportunities today than we did when I was growing up. They attend school with their able-bodied peers. No more "special" schools.

To a young disabled person reading this post, I want you to know It's okay to dream. Don't be defined by labels. Your disability is not who you are. You know what you are capable of. When you watch a video of Ali Stroker dream and believe. Work hard. Anything can be accomplished through hard work and determination. You may have to work twice as hard as anyone else. In the end, it will be worth it.

Thank you, Ali Stroker. You've shown the world that anything is possible. Congratulations.

THOSE THREE LITTLE WORDS

It has always amazed me how easily some people say those three little words. I Love You. I can't count the number of times people I have just met have told me they loved me. This statement is usually followed by the person telling me how amazing I am. I haven't quite figured that one out yet.

 Why am I any more amazing than any other human being? Trust me most people work a lot harder than I do. I hunt and peck on my laptop keyboard creating characters and blog posts. How hard is that?  A little maybe, but not amazing.

People say motivational statements to me all the time. I know when they're not sincere. I can tell by their tone of voice. It is as though because I have CP I deserve an award for just breathing.

Love is a very powerful and meaningful word. I have to feel a connection to another person before I will say it to them. I have to have a history with someone before I feel comfortable using the L-word. We have to have gone through some major stuff together.

Love is a positive, happy emotion.
I love my family, friends and as for food, SUSHI.

Don't tell someone with a disability you love them because you think it will make our day. Don't tell us we're awesome when we have not done anything special. We are just living our lives. Say those words after you have gotten to know us. Say those words when we deserve to hear them.

I just thought maybe you might need a little reminder. Don't use the L-word lightly.

You're welcome.

LET IT BE

I have tried to make people like me.
Did not work.
I give up.

I have tried to form relationships.
Did not work.
I give up.

I have tried to make people talk to me.
Did not work.
I give up.

I have tried to fit in.
Did not work.
I give up.

I have done everything I can. I tried changing to please others. That's what I do. People pleaser. Fixer. I want everyone to think well of me. I want everything to be okay.

I have asked to be included.
Did not work.
I give up.

I still have a big lesson to learn.
Let it be

Cher's mom Georgia told her, " If it doesn't matter in five years, it doesn't matter."
In 2024 the events happening in 2019 won't matter. They will be a memory. I will have moved on. To new situations, new friends new ideas.

I can't make people do anything.
I will just accept.
I will let it be.