A LEAP OF FAITH

July has come and gone. I'm still here. August will soon be history. I'm still here. Neither my lift or shower chair have been delivered. The sling for .the lift was /delivered to my new address last week.  I was told the rest of the equipment would be delivered in about a week. My new exit date is August 31st. This Friday. That date, however, is still tentative. If the equipment is not in the house I won't move. I learned on August 1st, that there wasn't a  bed in my room yet. That was another reason that I refused to move.

My family and friends have been great. Most of my things have been moved to my new address. The rest will be moved when I know August 31st is a certainty.

When I began this transition process, a year ago, I was excited. That excitement has turned into apprehension, anxiety, and fear of the unknown.  Don't get me wrong I still want to move,  but I will not deny that, after all the ups and downs, there is a small part of me that wonders if I have made the right decision.

I have been asked what my goals are. I have just one. My goal is to write from home. I need to earn money in order to keep myself from having to apply for Food Stamps. I wrote a blog post about how difficult it was for me to accept being on Medicaid. http://confessionsofadisableddiva.blogspot.com/2017/03/a-humbling-experience.html  I do not want to be totally dependent on the government. I want to contribute some of my own money   No one has to agree with me. It is a personal choice. I have been assured that everything that can be done will be done to allow me to earn money and still keep my Medicaid. Whether I end up having to apply for. Food stamps or not will depend on what my budget and Spend Down are.

Our government makes it impossible for someone like me to earn money without endangering my benefits. I will never be able to support myself financially, but I should be allowed to write and earn whatever I can. I want to pay for the things I need.  If I earn too much I will lose my benefits. If I lose my benefits I  lose my housing. Our government has made me feel like a second-class citizen. A drain on society. That is not the case. I am a good writer. Our government should give me a chance to use my skills. I should not be, penalized for wanting to work.

I am nervous. I do not know what this week will bring. Will I be able to leave this Friday? Will everything that I need be in place? Will I have to stay here a few more days? I don't know. All I can do is take a deep breath and have faith that after my year-long bumpy journey, everything will be okay.