LIKE A THIEF IN THE NIGHT

 Alzheimer's disease is like a thief in the night that robs a person of their mind bit by bit until they no longer remember the things and the loved ones that once mattered to them. 

This thief of a disease runs in my family It claimed my two aunts as well as two of my uncles. I often wonder if my father would have been a victim of it had he lived longer. I wonder if I will. I have been tested. I do not have it. Although, in my opinion, I have symptoms. I cannot remember things. I get confused. I forget where I am supposed to go,  I guess I should add the word sometimes to all of my "symptoms."

I blame everything on stress. What if it's not? I begin to worry in the evening who the overnight staff is going to be. A group home is not like a nursing home where I could ask who was coming on shift. In a group home. As long as someone shows up,and my needs are met, why do I have to know ahead of time?

What if my call button is not working? Knowing the staff member's name makes me feel better. To be fair there are times when the evening staff does not know who is working the overnight shift. I try not to ask anymore. When I kept asking, people would sometimes say I was acting like someone with sundowners. I can't explain it but my fears  and anxieties seem to be worse at night

Sundowners is one of the. symptoms of Alzheimer's My mom would sleep all day. She'd wake up at four o'clock in the afternoon and want breakfast. The caregiver and I would do our best to convince her that it was almost time for dinner. Often times we were successful. However, many times we were not. 

When I was a resident in the nursing home one of the other residents with sundowners cornered me so I was unable to pass her, kicked me. and yelled at me. This went on for several minutes with me trying to pass her. I finally had to call for help. She had me trapped. She was not going to let me pass her.

I worry about not being able to talk at all. It is getting more difficult for me to speak loudly and clearly. When I do my chest hurts. I sometimes have to push to get my words out. People tell me I talk too much. People are always asking me to repeat myself. What if the day comes when I am not able to talk at all?  This is by far my number one concern as I get older.'

My hearing is not what it was. Neither is my vision. I hope to put off having cataract surgery for another year. I am scared to death to have it. Come on you already knew I was a wimp. I just confirmed it for you. I guess my question is how routine of a surgery is it for someone with spastic CP? All of my questions will be answered in March.

I make a mess when I eat. (That's it. That's why no one ever asked me out. Came close though. What? A lady never tells.) 

I don't drive my power chair as well as I used to. The truth is I never drove it very well. (I heard you agreeing as I typed that sentence.) I remember going for walks all over the place by myself. I miss those days. I miss the person that I used to be.

I began this post by saying that Alzheimer's robs a  person of their mind. That's true. Aging in general is a thief. We can't stop it. We have no other choice but to accept it.

People lose patience with you as you get older.

Bette Davis was right when she said, "Growing old ain"t for s sissies."  Permit me a little poetic license. "Growing old with a disability ain't for sissies."

Disabled peeps, can I get an amen?