LAUGH AT ME

 All my life people have laughed at me. The kids in school laughed at my startle response. The girls in high school laughed because I was not boy-crazy One female classmate went as far as calling me a lesbian.

At thirteen I idolized Shirley Jones aka  Mrs Partridge of the Partridge Family. A lesbian? I had never heard the word. At thirteen I had no idea what it meant.

People laugh when they are nervous but  In my case, I believe people laugh out of ignorance because they don't understand something. In my case, that something is my CP. If they laugh at my voice, or my startle response that makes them feel superior to me. Cursing at me has the same effect. It makes them feel as though they are in control and that they have the upper hand

People are always trying to change me. Fix me. The message I get from all this is, "I  am not good enough the way I am." They have not actually said this. Very little happens to the other people. The people who are in control. I know the people who are in control don't care. They've told me many times.

People think it's funny. People think I'm funny. I am glad I gave them a good laugh. I am so happy they can relieve their stress by cursing at me. It does not feel good. It physically hurts. It's starting to affect my health. 

People need to listen. People need to slow down. People need to believe.

Sonny Bono wrote a song called Laugh at Me. He wrote it in the sixties. Sonny wore bobcat vests, a weird hairstyle, and wore bell bottoms. He was kicked out of his favorite restaurant. He had his nose broken in a fight. Because he looked different.  Because people didn't understand.

I wish I'd been a teenager in the sixties. The clothes were cooler. The music was cooler. I may have gotten the chance to tell Sonny Bono thank you. It's his favorite song.  It's mine too.