I WANT TO BE WANTED

 Shhh. Don't tell anyone. My guilty pleasure is watching Dr. Phil show videos on Youtube. His guests fall into one of three categories for me. 

1. Those who are genuinely sincere and in need of his help.

 2. Those who are looking for their 15 minutes of fame. 

3. The guests that have me screaming, "Are you for real?" 

And, who can forget that egregious error in judgment Dr. Phil made when he told the girlfriend of a disabled man that she could be his girlfriend or his caregiver, but that she could not be both. There are numerous videos of inter-abled couples that debunk this myth, Dr. Phil. Take my advice, and check them out.

There are two things that Dr. Phil tells many of his guests that resonate with me. When he explains them to one of his guests I feel like he is speaking to me too.

Anger stems from, hurt, fear, and frustration. That is certainly true of me. I have been afraid since moving here. Fear of being reported and fear of new caregivers. fear that they won't listen. Fear of doing something wrong, fear that I will be treated as a body and not a person with thoughts and feelings. The worst thing caregiver can do is tell me that they don't care. I guess I should not speak out, but many just care about their job. I know this is the truth cuz they have told me.  

I appreciate that my needs are met. They provide good physical care. 

Hurt by the way I am viewed and spoken to by some of my caregivers.

Frustrated because my caregivers do not listen to me. They tell me not to tell them how to do their jobs. 

If I cry I am called a crybaby.According to Dt. Phill crying is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that someone has been strong and that they are tired. They have endured. They have reached their 

  

I toured a second nursing home. It is a city in itself. The facility offers everything I could ask for. The bathroom is still a concern. I will have to use a Hoyer lift which scares me.

The staff was warm and welcoming. The place was bright, cheerful, and buzzing with activity.     The semi-private rooms were surprisingly large.

I am going to return in a week or two to spend some time at the facility. I am ninety-five percent sure that this facility is the right place for me. If all works out I plan on moving after the first of the year.  I will keep you posted.

No one ever wanted me here. I need to be somewhere where people want me around. A place where I can talk to the staff freely. A place where I am appreciated, not constantly told how much I get on the staff's nerves.

Some of the staff have told me that they did not care if I stayed or not. They did not care what I did. I get that, but did they have to tell me to my face?

I was blamed for staff leaving. I was blamed for causing most of the discord in this house. I was yelled at and cursed at more than I have ever been. I began to get migraines again. I can't take it anymore.

I was not your typical group home client. That's why this living situation did not work for me. The staff did the best they could. I did not do enough research before moving here. The failure is on me.

Please send positive vibes my way.  I pray that my concerns will be resolved. I am looking forward to the coming year. I look forward to beginning this new chapter of my life,.

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