Tuesday, November 10, 2015


I was hotlined  by an anonymous individual. A social worker, from the State of Missouri  came to my house to investigate. As a result of that investigation the state determined that it was not safe for me to live in my house any longer. That's the reason I am here. The social worker came to see me a month or two ago. They saw how unhappy I am here. They said they would ask their supervisor what my options are. They promised to came back. They haven't. I can only assume that means I have no other options. I am afraid to call the social worker. to find out. Afraid of their answer. 

In a perfect world, I would have been given the opportunity to make changes to allow me to stay in my home. Instead, I was given five days to move from my home. If I hadn't cooperated, I would have become a ward of the state. I am grateful my. family didn't allow that to happen.

In a perfect world, I would be able to move into a supervised apartment or assisted living situation where there would be fewer people who need help.  And, I would not have to wait for help until  I feared my bladder would burst. I do not want a servant. I just want to be able to use the bathroom when I need to without the constant fear of having an accident if I am forced to wait too long. Having an accident is degrading.

In a perfect world, Paraquad would give me another chance at employment. I have made many mistakes. Leaving Paraquad was probably the biggest mistake I have made. If I had stayed with them, I probably wouldn't be in the situation I am in now.

In a perfect world, I would be paid more often for the writing that I do. 

And, in a perfect world, I would not anger people who are trying to help me. I have burned many bridges. Said things I cannot take back. I still believe I deserve one more chance. The chance to live a life outside of this facility.

The world is not perfect/ I have no idea what the future holds for me.I pray this is not the end of the road for me. I don't want to I die here. I hope I get the chance.to try again.