Monday, January 30, 2023

I CLOSE MY DOOR







 "All you do is talk s**t.
Shut up 
You need us 
We don't need you.."
I close my door.

I forgot that a staff member had done a certain task.
I ask her to go get someone to do the task.
To show her how.
"You treat me like a kid," she tells me.
Not my intention.
I was trying to help.
A voice yells at me from the kitchen. 
"Please be quiet and stop yelling," I say.
(I realize my voice is raised too I am no better Behavior therapy begins soon. .)
"You can't tell me to be quiet.
I'll talk when I want to talk, " they respond.
I close my door.

"You are bipolar.
No one has time to deal with your multiple personalities.
That's your problem.
You tell everything.
You need a psych eval."
(I have requested to be given one.)
I close my door.

"If you want to sit in your room and mope all day.
And be childish.
I don't care.
I just have to do my job"
I close my door.
(I  was creating a cover for my next children's story,)

Creativity.
Solitude.
Peace. 
Respect
I close my door.

An issue-free day. 
A blame-free day.
So I can keep this great room.
That's why I close my door.









Friday, January 27, 2023

FORGET THEM



Choose to have people in your life who want you around.
Those who don't...
Forget them.

Surround yourself with people who have positive vibes.
If they don't...
Forget them.

Choose people who lift you up.
Not those who tear you down.
If they do...
Forget them.

Be happy.
Not sad
It's a choice.
I'm trying.
Those who aren't...
Forget them.

People should give a damn.
Connect. 
Care.
Many don't...
Forget them.

People make mistakes.
Forgiveness is the key.
People who've lost their key...
Forget them.

The words people say should make you feel better.
Not worse.
If they do...
Forget them.

Your family, your tribe.
Their love keeps you alive.
All the rest...
Forget them. 

Don't try to please other people.
It doesn't work.
People do not have to talk to you.
People don't have to  like you,
Sucks...
Forget them.

You are a good person.
You are worth it.
If people don't think so...
Forget them.

This journey called life is bumpy.
Rocks will get stuck in the wheels of your power chair.
The road will smooth soon.
Keep going.
You'll make it
Negative people?
Forget them.

If people don't cheer for you.
Be your own cheerleader.
It's their loss...
Forget them. 







 

Wednesday, January 25, 2023

THAT'S THEIR POWER




Words ...
Healing
Painful
Joyful
Destructive
Rebirth
Love
Support
Loss 
Compassion
Hate
Divide'
Unite
Empower
Empathy
Uplift
Heart
That's their power.
Use it wisely.

Labels...
Stigma
Follow
Crush
Brand 
Stuck
Can't
Won't
Shouldn't
Never
Negative
Weak
Powerless
Impossible
That's their power.
Use it wisely.













Sunday, January 22, 2023

I'M STILL STANDING




Walking in front of someone. 
While they supported me.
I started really little 
I stopped when I was in college.
I got too heavy for the person supporting me.
I am still standing.

A little girl in long leg braces.
Walking between the back of a couch.
And the row of windows behind it.
Holding on to the back of the couch.
Holding on to the windowsills.
A little speed demon.
Turned around at the end.
Started again.
I'm still standing.

Parallel bars replaced the couch when I got older. 
I'd fall sometimes. 
I wore a helmet.
Very fashionable. (Not!)
I'm still standing

In school, PT put me inside a walker.
And closed the back.
I was free to walk for hours.
Or, until my legs gave out.
I'm still standing.

I could stand and pivot to use the bathroom.
When I sprained my knees.
No more pivots for me.
I'm still standing.

 The parallel bars?
In PT. the adult me asked to try.
My legs would not move.
It felt like they'd been super-glued.
My knees were fried.
I'm still standing.
.
Enter the Sara lift.
When I am on the lift I can bear weight on my legs
I like the feeling of standing as tall as I can.
Without my lift, my legs are like jello.
I worked hard in PT to learn how I could stand safely.
I'm still standing

Do you know what it's like to poop in a bedpan?
Beyond gross.
That's what I would have to do with option #2.  
I am still standing.

I was approved.
Yay.
Made my day
I'm still standing.

My feet and knees swell sometimes.
I can tell when  it's going to rain,
But I'm happy.
I'm still standing.




Saturday, January 21, 2023

THAT'S WHAT I REMEMBER




Valentine boxes outside the classroom doors.
Adorned with red tissue paper and red and pink hearts.
That's what  I remember.

The colorful boxes were filled with dime-store valentines. 
With names scribbled in a childish script on the back of each card.
That's what I remember.

Counting the number of greetings I received. 
Those disgusting candy hearts with silly sayings.  
That's what I remember.
 
A heart-shaped box of chocolates from my dad. 
A card signed, "All my love, Daddy."
A surprise after my Tuesday Girl Scout meeting.
That's what I remember
.
In grad school, I gave out heart-shaped cookies I made.
They were a hit.
That's what I remember.

Cards from and dinners with my mom.
In 2001, Valentine's Day was two days before I had major surgery, 
Mom and I went out to dinner. 
That's what I remember.

Mom gave me an artificial rose(it looked so real.) in a silver vase. 
I  had my last meal of solid food
The next day it would be all liquids for me.
That's what I remember.

Flowers from my brothers
Candy too.
That's what a remember.

My secret admirer was no secret at all.
I knew who they were.
The things my friends did.
They made Valentine's Day in the facility fun.
That's what I remember.

The cookie /cupcake fairy.
Who visits since I moved here.
That's what I remember.

I have no stories of romantic candlelit dinners.
No blue boxes from Tiffany's
Valentine's Day memories of family and friends. 
That's what I will always remember.

FYI. I debated whether or not to write this post.
Fearing its simplicity would seem juvenile to some readers.
The first rule is to write what you know. I did.

   








 







Monday, January 16, 2023

BRING BACK THE CORD


Cell phones are a nuisance. 
Disagree?  
If you text (or surf the net) while driving, you're jeopardizing lives. Including your own.
Bring back the cord.

Are you eating out with friends?
Dude reading a text at the table is not cool.
Your friends may think ."How Rude. What the hee?  You care more about a text than you do about me."
Bring back the cord.

People with Bluetooth. That's so freaky. Talking to themselves. Having a party in their heads that I am not invited to.  Why not? I'm a fun spaz. 
Bring back the cord.

Ah, phones attached to cords
Phone jacks for the cords.
The jacks went into the wall.
You could not take the phone anyway at all.
Those were the days.
Bring back the cord

The twisty, curly cord from the receiver to the base with the rotary dial.
Thinking about it makes me smile.
You could wrap that twisty cord around your fingers.
Kept the caller occupied when they were on hold.
Bring back the cord.

Phone numbers with a two-letter prefix
Party lines. Oh no.
Bring back the cord.

Missed a call?.
They'll call back.
Bring back the cord.

You could only get calls at work if it was an emergency.
Bring back the cord.

People won't be zombies staring at a screen.
They'll look people in the eye.
Bring the cord.

Many in this cell phone generation don't know how to have a face-to-face conversation
Turn off your phones.
Talk to one another.
Bring back the cord.

I didn't have a cell phone by the time I was nine.
I turned out just fine.
Bring back the cord.

It will never happen.
Because it is impractical.
A girl can dream.












Friday, January 13, 2023

LIFE


We are given one life.
It is fragile.
It is fleeting.

Each life is unique.
Like a snowflake
No two are alike.

Time is limited.
Use it wisely.
Help others.
Be kind.
Make a difference in someone's life.

Achieve.
Succeed.
Gotta keep up with The Joneses.
Forget that.
Do what makes you happy.
Cuz it is hard to be happy with life sometimes.

When you find happiness hold on to it
Like a life preserver.
Don't let go.

Life is fragile.
You, Dear Readers,  are strong.
You'll survive.
You'll thrive.

This fragile, fleeting thing...
 Called life.