HOW'S IT GONNA FEEL?

I never liked to leave home.

Not even to go on vacation.

I thought I'd die in my house.

Ten years ago I had no choice.

How's it gonna feel?

When I was told I'd be sharing my room in the nursing home.

I asked for Lexapro.

To help me cope.

( I still, take it.)

How's it gonna feel?

When the staff starts packing up my stuff.

The last night?

The day of?

How's it gonna feel?

The agency wants to make this house an all-male house.

I can't afford to live here by myself

I'm reminded all the time of the things I can't afford.

How's it gonna feel?

I don't want to live in this house anymore.

The changes have been too much.

It's the cul-de-sac/

The neighbors.

Creve Coeur.

That's what I'll miss.

How's it gonna feel?

St. Louis.

Town and Country.

Creve Coeur.

And now, the farthest move yet.

How's it gonna feel?

New county.

New area code.

New address.

A different SC.

New case manager.

New, new, new.

How's it gonna feel?

It's not that I'm not grateful.

I don't mean to be hateful.

"Do you know how many times clients have been moved? 

Get over it. You're moving."

How's it gonna feel?

The administration has done so much.

Grateful and guilty

That's how I feel.

I'm just me.

Expand my horizons?

I am not a people person.

In my opinion, most people suck.

If I let you in you are special.

How's it gonna feel?

Send good thoughts, vibes, and prayers.

Because I don't know.

How it's gonna feel.

 

OMG! I'M A SWIFTIE

All illustrations by Alef Vernon Illustration

  

Me a Swiftie?

I'm too old.

I just like the Kelce Bros.

OMG! I'm a Swiftie.

I watched The Eras Tour on Disney Plus.

I wanted to know why all the fuss.

OMG! I'm a Swiftie.

I was blown away.

It was visually stunning.

Taylor spends an evening with 90,000 of her besties.

Chatting as though she was alone with each fan.

She is a philanthropist.

She leaves the cities she plays in better. Happier

OMG! I'm a Swiftie.

My favorite era?

Evermore.

It's mystical.

Magical.

Foresty.

Millions of stars.

As Taylor plays a gold piano.

Covered in greenery.

OMG! I'm a Swiftie.

Musician, singer, storyteller.

Her lyrics are compared to great poets of yore.

She gave the commencement speech at NYU.

Taylor Swift and Her World.

That's a class at Harvard too.

OMG! I'm a Swiftie.

You know what really sealed it for me?

The night at Wembley with Travis Kelce

.I Can Do It With a Broken Heart was the song.

Travis asked if it would be alright.

If he was one of her dancers for the night.

OMG! I'm a Swiftie.

Taylor fainted.

Travis caught her.

He carried her in his arms.

("Don't drop the baby. Do not drop the baby." That's what Trav was thinkin')

OMG! I'm a Swiftie.

He laid her on a red couch.

When she awoke.

He dusted her cheeks (his too) with a makeup brush stroke.

OMG! I'm a swiftie.

He looked dapper in his top hat and tails

Dancing, smiling, and having fun.

He's her #1

Taylor blew him a kiss when his time on stage was done.

OMG! I'm a Swiftie.

Their public romance has a private vibe

Like they are the only two people alive.

They are oblivious to the world's prying eyes.

OMG! I'm a Swiftie.

Just a boy who loves a girl.

He makes heart hands at Chiefs games.

She does the archer pose at concerts.

Signals to each other.

OMG! I'm a Swiftie.

Travis and Taylor made this old lady believe.

In fairytales.

In magic.

Just think...

It all started with a friendship bracelet.

OMG! I'm a Swiftie.

This post is dedicated to Lori and Melissa.

RETURN ME TO THE EARTH

When I die don't entomb me

Don't put my body, my, earthly shell, in a box.

Don't put that box in the ground.

Return me to the Earth.

I worry about where I will end up.

Both literally and figuratively

It keeps me awake at night.

Return me to the Earth.

A nice fluffy cloud.

With a pink hue?

Who says clouds can't be pink?

This is my rhyme.

I'll write what I choose.

But before my spirit moves on.

Return me to the Earth.

Lucie and I were a team.

That's for sure.

Our spirits will be together forever.

Return us to the Earth.

A tree.

Near a library.

That's where I want  to be

Lucie, well, she is a dog.

(The last time I saw her was in my library's storeroom.)

She liked trees.

Return us to the Earth.

I want my life to have meant something.

I was here.

I want to give back to my community

My final good deed.

Return me to the Earth.

Plant a tree.

(And  when you are done party on.)

 

PUSHY WITH A PURPOSE

.

Calle is the agency's new chief program director.

she is...

Pushy with a purpose.

She's big on meetings, agendas, getting things done. 

She'll drag you kicking and screaming.

That's no lie.

Positivity mixed with humor. 

That's Calle's M.O.

She is...

Pushy with a purpose.

"What did you write about this week?

What did you earn from that negative experience?

How can we make things better between you and your staff?"

She is...

Pushy with a purpose.

"A code word might work. 

Use it whenever you're feeling stressed. 

Your staff will have one too."

(Code words? What is this? A top-secret mission?)

She is...

Pushy with a purpose.

Calle pushed me to confront difficult issues.

I pushed back.

It was not pretty.

Truthfully I thought she was nuts

She is...

Pushy with a purpose.

But then she did not push so hard.

I began to see that Calle did want only good things for me.

To live a good life.

She is...

Pushy with a purpose.

Don't be put off by her uniqueness

Calle shows up.

Does what she says.

I can depend on her.

She won't BS me.

She is...

Pushy with a purpose

THANK YOU LACHANDRIA

 For being the best support coordinator this agency has.

For cooking.

For driving.

For caring.

Thank you LaChandria.

For coming to work when you don't feel well.

Still doing your job.

Giving 100%.

Thank you LaChandria.

For taking care of me when I was sick.

From blowing my nose to cleaning out my snot.

Yuck!

For never complaining.

Thank you LaChandria.

For never making me feel like I was to blame

Like I had the plague.

Thank you LaChandria.

For sharing your Chinese food with me.

For making sure I am stylin' when I go out.

Thank you Lachandria.

You are selfless.

One of a kind.

There aren't enough adjectives to describe your awesomeness.

I won't even try.

I'll just say...

Thank you LaChandria.

WHAT'S IT LIKE?

 "What's it like to walk?" I asked my mom this question out of the blue one day.

I have walked using crutches while someone held onto me. I walked using walkers  I waked in leg braces back and forth between parallel bars. That's not waking. I wanted to know what it felt like to make a conscious decision to get up. Have your brain send a message to your legs to move you from the family room to the kitchen.

My mom looked at me.  I knew she was thinking, "Where did this question come from? How do I answer it?

She thought for a moment."I don't know. I decide I want to do something in another room and I get up and begin walking. I don't think about it. It just happens." She ended with, "I guess I take it for granted."

Her answer has always made me wonder if the abe-bodied community ever stops to think how lucky they are as they go about their day or if they take what they can do without assistance for granted?

I imagine. 

I'm ready to get out of bed in the morning. I swing my legs over the side of my bed and stand up. I brush my teeth.  I wash my face. I get my clothes out of my closet I get dressed. I fix myself a light breakfast. I need to run errands. I am meeting a friend for lunch. I grab my keys, walk out to my car and I am on my way. Effortless. Independant. I feed myself without leaving a mess behind. I  use the toilet in complete privacy.  That evening, after fixing mysef dinner, I watch TV while planning my to-do list for the following day. I take a shower. I crawl into my bed. 

That's what a typical day would be like for me if  I did not have CP. Non-disabled people take so much for granted. What's it like?  Does any other person with a disability ever wonder about this?  Am I the only one?

Having CP taught me patience and compassion. CP taught me that we're more alike than we are different. CP taught me that I have value and was meant to be here. I am not here to inspire you. I am trying to make it through life one day at a time

There is one thing that I would change. I wish I'd had the privilege of being mainstreamed in grade school and high school. I'm sure mainstreaming would have been extremely beneficial for me both academically and socially.  Being mainstreamed.  What's it like?

I will never be a rah, rah look at me I overcame my disability.  Look, at what I've accomplished. I did not overcome anything. My CP gave me the drive and determination to do what I had to do to succeed.  Props to my mom too.

I have CP. I take nothing for granted. I will never stop wondering.

I AM NOT DISABLED

When you look at me what do you see?

My spastic limbs?

My powerchair?

If that's all you see you don't see me.

I am not disabled

CP is not who I am. It is what it is.

I did not choose it.

It chose me.

I am not disabled.

Do you see me as inferior?

Less than you?

Not equal to?

I am not disabled.

I make mistakes.

From them, I learn.

From them, I grow

I am not disabled.

I enjoy the same things you do.

Dinner, drinks, movies.

Bowling. (it's a sport)

Football. 

Scratch that.

I enjoy the Kelce Brothers.

Football, not so much.

I am not disabled. 

You are reading this thinking "She's lost her mind."

Quite the contrary.

My mind is where I shine.

I am not disabled.

Cuz in my head I'm the same as you.

And I've got no reason to be blue.

I am not disabled.

I can think. I create. I write.

That's how I express myself.

I am not disabled.

When you see me as I see you.

Really, truly, when  you do

You'll be so proud.

You'll shout it out loud.

She is not disabled

.

.