I CLOSE MY DOOR

 "All you do is talk s**t.

Shut up 

You need us 

We don't need you.."

I close my door.

I forgot that a staff member had done a certain task.

I ask her to go get someone to do the task.

To show her how.

"You treat me like a kid," she tells me.

Not my intention.

I was trying to help.

A voice yells at me from the kitchen. 

"Please be quiet and stop yelling," I say.

(I realize my voice is raised too I am no better. Behavior therapy begins soon. .)

"You can't tell me to be quiet.

I'll talk when I want to talk, " they respond.

I close my door.

"You are bipolar.

No one has time to deal with your multiple personalities.

That's your problem.

You tell everything.

You need a psych eval."

(I have requested one.)

I close my door.

"If you want to sit in your room and mope all day and be childish.

I don't care.

I just have to do my job"

I close my door.

(I  was creating a cover for my next children's story,)

Creativity.

Solitude.

Peace. 

Respect

I close my door.

An issue-free day. A blame-free day.

So I can keep this great room.

That's why I close my door.

FORGET THEM

Choose to have people in your life who want you around.

Those who don't...

Forget them.

Surround yourself with people who have positive vibes.

If they don't...

Forget them.

Choose people who lift you up.

Not those who tear you down.

If they do...

Forget them.

Be happy.

Not sad

It's a choice.

I'm trying.

Those who aren't...

Forget them.

People should give a damn.

Connect. Care.

Many don't...

Forget them.

People make mistakes.

Forgiveness is the key.

People who've lost their key...

Forget them.

The words people say should make you feel better.

Not worse.

If they do...

Forget them.

Your family, your tribe.

Their love keeps you alive.

All the rest...

Forget them. 

Don't try to please other people.

It doesn't work.

People do not have to talk to you.

People don't have to  like you,

Sucks...

Forget them.

You are a good person.

You are worth it.

If people don't think so...

Forget them.

This journey called life is bumpy.

Rocks will get stuck in the wheels of your power chair.

The road will smooth soon.

Keep going.

You'll make it

Negative people?

Forget them.

If people don't cheer for you.

Be your own cheerleader.

It's their loss...

Forget them. 

"Surround yourself with people who stimulate, inspire, and bring you happiness." Oprah  Winfrey

 

THAT'S THEIR POWER

Words ...

Healing

Painful

Joyful

Destructive

Rebirth

Love

Support

Loss 

Compassion

Hate

Divide'

Unite

Empower

Empathy

Uplift

Heart

That's their power.

Use it wisely.

Labels...

Stigma

Follow

Crush

Brand 

Stuck

Can't

Won't

Shouldn't

Never

Negative

Weak

Powerless

Impossible

That's their power.

Use it wisely.

I'M STILL STANDING

Walking in front of someone. 

While they supported me.

I started really little 

I stopped when I was in college.

I got too heavy for the person supporting me.

I am still standing.

A little girl in long leg braces.

Walking between the back of a couch.

And the row of windows behind it.

Holding on to the back of the couch.

Holding on to the windowsills.

A little speed demon.

Turned around at the end.

Started again.

I'm still standing.

Parallel bars replaced the couch when I got older. 

I'd fall sometimes. 

I wore a helmet.

Very fashionable. (Not!)

I'm still standing

In school, PT put me inside a walker.

And closed the back.

I was free to walk for hours.

Or, until my legs gave out.

I'm still standing.

I could stand and pivot to use the bathroom.

When I sprained my knees.

No more pivots for me.

I'm still standing.

 The parallel bars?

In PT. the adult me asked to try.

My legs would not move.

It felt like they'd been super-glued.

My knees were fried.

I'm still standing.

.

Enter the Sara lift.

When I am on the lift I can bear weight on my legs

I like the feeling of standing as tall as I can.

Without my lift, my legs are like jello.

I worked hard in PT to learn how I could stand safely.

I'm still standing

Do you know what it's like to poop in a bedpan?
Beyond gross.

That's what I would have to do with option #2.  

I am still standing.

I was approved.

Yay.

Made my day

I'm still standing.

My feet and knees swell sometimes.

I can tell when  it's going to rain,

But I'm happy.

I'm still standing.

. 

THAT'S WHAT I REMEMBER

Valentine boxes outside the classroom doors.

Adorned with red tissue paper and red and pink hearts.

That's what  I remember.

The colorful boxes were filled with dime-store valentines. 

With names scribbled in a childish script on the back of each card.

That's what I remember.

Counting the number of greetings I received. 

Those disgusting candy hearts with silly sayings.  

That's what I remember.

 

A heart-shaped box of chocolates from my dad. 

A card signed, "All my love, Daddy."

A surprise after my Tuesday Girl Scout meeting.

That's what I remember

.

In grad school, I gave out heart-shaped cookies I made.

They were a hit.

That's what I remember.

Cards from and dinners with my mom.

In 2001, Valentine's Day was two days before I had major surgery, 

Mom and I went out to dinner. 

That's what I remember.

Mom gave me an artificial rose(it looked so real.) in a silver vase. 

I  had my last meal of solid food

The next day it would be all liquids for me.

That's what I remember.

Flowers from my brothers

Candy too.

That's what a remember.

My secret admirer was no secret at all.

I knew who they were.

The things my friends did.

They made Valentine's Day in the facility fun.

That's what I remember.

The cookie /cupcake fairy.

Who visits since I moved here.

That's what I remember.

I have no stories of romantic candlelit dinners.

No blue boxes from Tiffany's

Valentine's Day memories of family and friends. 

That's what I will always remember.

FYI. I debated whether or not to write this post.

Fearing its simplicity would seem juvenile to some readers.

The first rule is to write what you know. I did.

   

 

BRING BACK THE CORD

Cell phones are a nuisance. 

Disagree?  

If you text (or surf the net) while driving, you're jeopardizing lives, including your own.

Bring back the cord.

Are you eating out with friends?

Dude reading a text at the table is not cool.

Your friends may think ."How Rude. What the hee?"

"You care more about a text than you do about me."

Bring back the cord.

Caregivers, please don't use your phone while assisting me.

It's written in my ISP.

Bring back the cord.

People with Bluetooth. 

That's so freaky. 

Talking to themselves. 

Having a party in their heads that I am not invited to.  

Why not? I'm a fun spaz. 

Bring back the cord.

Ah, phones attached to cords

Phone jacks for the cords.

The jacks went into the wall.

You could not take the phone anywhere at all.

 Bring back the cord

The twisty, curly cord from the receiver to the base with the rotary dial.

Thinking about it makes me smile.

You could wrap that twisty cord around your fingers.

Doing this kept the caller occupied when they were on hold.

Bring back the cord.

Phone numbers with a two-letter prefix

Party lines.

Wait your turn.

Be courteous.

That's what we did.

When I was a kid.

Bring back the cord.

Missed a call?.

They'll call back.

Bring back the cord.

You could only get calls at work if it was an emergency.

Bring back the cord.

People would not be zombies staring at a screen.

They would look one another in the eye.

Maybe even say, "Hi."

Bring the cord.

This cell phone generation doesn't know how to have face-to-face conversations.

Turn off your phones.

Talk to one another.

Bring back the cord.

I didn't have a cell phone by the time I was nine.

I turned out just fine.

Bring back the cord.

It will never happen.

This generation does not want to be tethered to a phone cord.

They want their news, their calls RIGHT NOW!

Or they get too bored.

Bring back the cord.

But what if they did?

Bring back the cord?

Ah well...

A girl can dream.

LIFE

We are given one life.

It is fragile.

It is fleeting.

Each life is unique.

Like a snowflake

No two are alike.

Time is limited.

Use it wisely.

Help others.

Be kind.

Make a difference in someone's life.

Achieve.

Succeed.

Gotta keep up with The Joneses.

Forget that.

Do what makes you happy.

Cuz it is hard to be happy with life sometimes.

When you find happiness hold on to it

Like a life preserver.

Don't let go.

Life is fragile.

You, Dear Readers,  are strong.

You'll survive.

You'll thrive.

This fragile, fleeting thing...

 Called life.

KEEP PUSHIN' THROUGH

I wanted to wish all of you a very happy and blessed 2023. My heart has not been into blogging. 

I'm tired. What I really want is for God to call me I know He is not ready yet. I am tired of being yelled at. I am tired of being lonely.  I want peace.

I met with a behavior analyst twice. I pray it helps the staff and me. Our therapy will begin in about thirty days.  The therapy is supposed to address the issues I mentioned above too. I hope it does.

I want to thank my family and friends for giving me a merry Christmas. I love and miss all of you.

My housemates continue to face challenges. My wish for them is a healthy and happy year. 

My wish for the staff here is that their stress is minimal., and that they care for the three of us with understanding and compassion. Their job is not an easy one.

The highlight of my year was writing a children's story, complete with images, for my friend's granddaughter.

. 

 My friend transformed the PDF file I sent her into an actual book. When I saw pictures of my friend's granddaughter with the book, and the big smile on her face, that made my whole year!  I've still got it.

I wish I had some positive words to close with. All I know is I have to keep pushin' no matter what.

Having a disability is hard. Life is hard. That's just the way it is. 

Keep pushin' through.