MY FAKE EULOGY

 I made it up That's right. I wrote my own eulogy. It was a writing prompt. I decided it would be a  challenge  It might be fun too  It was.

I debated whether or not to tell my readers that my eulogy post was based on a writing prompt. I decided not to explain my post. I was positive anyone reading it would know, from the way it was written, that It was the product of my imagination. I was wrong

I received a comment from a reader asking when I had passed and why? The comment was unnerving and funny at the same time. I quickly replied to the comment. I explained the writing prompt. I assured the reader that I am alive and well.

As proficient as I am as a blogger I could not blog from the Great Beyond

The other thing that struck me is the fact that my fake eulogy received more hits in an hour than some of my posts receive in several days. I confess I don't know quite how to take that.

My fake eulogy is what I hope my send-off into the Afterlife will be. I want people to party, laugh, and have fun. I love a Fiesta. Everyone knows that. 

If any of my friends and family read this post I have one request. I know hot air balloons are expensive to rent, but if you could have one or two balloons float by as the Fiesta's ending that would be so rad. No pressure. Ha.

A CELEBRATION OF LIFE

We gather today to celebrate Joanne's life. She did not want a traditional wake or funeral.  That's why we are here, in a Mexican restaurant. 

In a few minutes, we'll be eating quesadillas, chips, and salsa with the Margaritas flowing. And. let's not forget, Jilly's Cupcakes, her favorite.

Her favorite music is playing. Pink, Cher, Reba, and Lady Gaga. She admired strong women who were not afraid to speak their minds.  You all know how much she loved the art and wisdom of  Frida Kahlo, another strong woman.

All of you here today were important people in Joanne's life. She loved you She wants this day to be filled with lots of joy, laughter, and memories  You are the ones who knew how funny she was. You are the ones who knew what a kind and generous heart she had. If someone admired something of hers Joanne would give it to them. She figured if one of her possession made someone happy, they deserved to have it. She loved giving gifts. That's what made her happy.

I am not going to talk about how she persevered in her life. I am not going to talk about how she advocated tirelessly for herself. You have read all about that in her blog. Her blog was a part of her. Her posts may have ruffled some feathers, but she was proud of them.

I really do not know how to eulogize someone. Joanne was quiet and shy. She was not a people person. if she let you into her life it was because she knew you would not judge her or force her to do anything she did not want to do. She trusted you.

Jonne wanted a tattoo She was too much of a wimp to actually get one She would have gotten a small Frida crown tattooed on her ankle. Another tattoo idea she had was to have "Love, Mom" tattooed on her hand from a greeting her mom had sent to her. (Both were nice ideas, but there was pain involved She was too wimpy to take the risk.)

Joanne had to be strong after her mom died. She had no other choice but to allow people she did not know to take care of her That was the hardest challenge she faced in the years after 2010 until her death. She never fully adapted to having strangers care for her. She tried. Believe me, she tried.

At the end of her life, she lived in a facility where the staff truly cared. Their goal was to do whatever they could to make her life better until God called her.

Today is a day. to remember.  Share your memories. Laugh a lot She does not want her friends and family to mourn her.  

Joanne is probably relaxing on a beach in California or Mexico at this very moment. Watching hot air balloons float by overhead. Spirits can go anywhere. She can hold her Margarita herself.  No staw is needed.

Let's get this, party started!!

Does anyone need a Margarita?

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I'D GIVE BACK

A writing prompt posed the following question: "Write about what you’d do if money suddenly wasn’t a problem."

Well, that's a loaded statement if I ever read one. So many things. (Read my previous post to learn some of my wildest dreams.)

After listing all of my superfluous ideas my thoughts become serious. If money really wasn't a problem what would I do?  I would use it to make a difference in the lives of others. I would give back to the long-term care community  

I would make it possible for all nursing home residents to have private rooms/bathrooms.

I'd make sure that residents had the best food. And a weekly Happy Hour with cocktails and mocktails Good snacks. And the entertainment would appeal to the young and old alike  (Trust me, it would not be your grandma's Happy Hour. If I was funding it, it would rock every week.)  

Long-term care communities should have some aspects of normalcy Before moving into a nursing home some residents might have enjoyed having a cocktail after a long day, or a social drink with friends I am in no way, shape, or form advocating allowing the residents to drink to access Living in long-term care can be stressful. A Happy Hour once a week allows residents to relax, socialize with one another

I know what it is like to feel alone and miss your family. All residents of nursing homes should have the best care. All residents deserve the best accommodations, Medicaid or not.

I would establish a non-profit. Think Make-A-wish for residents living in long-term care communities. The staff would submit the wishes of their residents.  There would be no restrictions on the wishes The wishes could be anything from dining at their favorite restaurant to that dream vacation they were never able to take. My organization would come up with a way to make it happen. If the wish recipient was too ill to travel, their wish would be brought to them. We might transform a resident's room into a Parisian cafe. French pastries, art, and music.

My organization. would be staffed with loving, caring people. Paid and volunteer staff would be committed to making the lives of those that they serve better, happier. In order for my non-profit to be a success, the staff would have to be willing to go that extra mile to make the wish of someone a reality.

Adults in nursing homes still have dreams, hopes, and wishes. They don't admit to them because in their mind what they wish for is impossible.

A non-profit organization like the one I have described would be fantastic Think of the joy something like this could give a resident.

I have everything I need. Life should be about making a difference in the lives of others

The long-term care community holds a special place in my heart. I learned that the hard way. If money was not a factor I'd give back.

 

 

IT'S 2 A.M. AND I'M COUNTING SHEEP

There are nights when I fall asleep before Perry Mason has solved the case. There are other nights when Perry Mason morphs into The Twilight zone. The Twilight Zone morphs into Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Alfred Hitchcock Presents morphs into Mannix. There are even nights when Mannix morphs into Cannon. (Yes, I love classic TV. Don't judge.)   Gasp.  It's 2 a.m. I am still awake counting the imaginary sheep that are floating by over my head.

I think about Omnicon. This house is on lockdown at the present time We have been advised to stay in our rooms. We have two staff who are working extremely hard to meet our needs while keeping us safe. This house has been deep cleaned from top to bottom. (I love the clean smell of Lysol and Clorox wipes.) These two staff members are making sacrifices. They are risking their health day after day They are doing an amazing job under very trying circumstances. I do not know when the lockdown will be lifted. Omnicon is scary. It got real for me when it hit some of the staff who work here.

I miss seeing friends and family. The only positive aspect of lockdown 2022 is I don't have to go out.  The cold makes my spasticity worsen. I tighten up I have a difficult time driving my chair.

I think about my future. I wonder where I will spend my final days.  Hey, I don't mean to be a downer. Going to that Big Fiesta In The Sky is a part of life. It's just another journey. I am kind of excited about it. No more worries. No more powerchair. Seeing my family and all the dogs I have loved throughout my life. 

Before I make my final journey, however, I  want to be in a place that's happy. A place with lots of light. A place where the staff truly cares and loves what they do. It would not hurt if the staff would bring me junk food and a margarita every day. And, I want lots of visitors. Both human and furry. I want to watch The Odd couple and Designing Women 24/7. Those shows make me laugh out loud. I love laughing until it hurts. That's the best feeling in the world.

I think about what my life would have been like if I'd had the privilege of being a wife, a mother, and a grandmother.  I would have lived in a two-story house that was totally accessible. Yep, I would have gotten the elevator I have always wanted. And, as far as my parenting style. I would have been firm, but fun.  My children and grandchildren would have shown love, respect, and acceptance to everyone because they grew up with a mom/grandma on wheels.  

Fairy tales are a crock. Prince Charming does not exist. My husband, If all this had come true, would have been a hard-working regular guy who loved learning new things. He accepted my CP and loved me for who I am. Warts and all. 

I plan trips. Bustin' out. Calling a friend. One of us is Thelma, the other Louise. (Driving off a cliff is not part of our adventure.) Just hop in a van and drive. Who knows where we'd end up? Casa Azul in Mexico? Wherever. It'd be crazy.  It'd be fun. It'd be worth it. 

I think about taking a flight in a hot air balloon. Hot air balloons are magical. And Loud. I'd be scared to death being in that little basket. If I did not have CP. a flight in a  hot air balloon would be so cool I bet I could see for miles. I wonder if they would let me take a flight at dusk?

I think about being a journalist, like Carrie Bradshaw. Seeing my column published weekly. Working from home and getting paid. Living in New York, Going to see the latest exhibit at MOMA. Soaking up the culture. Meeting new people from all over the globe. And, cool clothes. Lots of cool clothes. 

Whew, no wonder I can't sleep!