I'll TAKE CEREBRAL PALSY, PLEASE

 

I didn't choose to have cerebral palsy.

 It's not as though before I was born God said to me, "I am giving you a disability. That may sound bad. The good news is you get to choose the disability I give you." 

Then God pulled out His Menu of Disabilities. (Writing this is making me laugh. I ask for your indulgence.). He began to read my choices to me. When I heard him say spastic cerebral palsy. I didn't squeal with joy. I didn't say, "Oooh, that disability sounds cool. I'll take cerebral palsy, please. What's that? Spastic quadriplegia is the most severe diagnosis of CP?. Cool. Sign me up. I am up for the chalenge."  

If God gave me this gift because I needed to learn a lesson I wish he would give me a hint about what that lesson is. A hint about what my purpose is. 

If I was chosen to be given CP because God was confident that I'd be able to handle it  God had more faith in me than I deserve. There are days when everyone with CP is taking it much better than I am. Of this I am sure.

It would be awesome if there was a CP handbook titled Congratulations. You Have Cerebral Palsy. (A Guide For A Happy And Productive Life)  This handbook would begin when a child was diagnosed with CP and end with a chapter on aging and CP. ( I read on the internet that individuals with CP only lived to the age of forty-five. I'd like to meet the idiot who came up with that statistic.)

Chapter titles might include:

Wheelchairs, walkers, and doctors oh my!

There will be stairs and stares

Why special schools/classes aren't special

Date me. I am a fun spaz

College = freedom

Hi, I'm your new PCA, it's time for your shower.

Look out world. Here I come

It's not you, it's society

Not even a bridesmaid/groomsman

Who says elderly CPers aren't cool?

This handbook would serve as a humorous reminder to parents, children, and adults with CP that they are not alone. Whatever challenges they are facing someone else is facing those same challenges.

I didn't choose to have CP. I  often wonder what my life would have been like without it.

 Cerebral palsy taught me to be compassionate. CP taught. me about empathy. CP taught me that we all, no matter how severe our disability is can contribute. We matter.

I got my answer.

THE THREE P'S

When will  I ever learn? No, you don't need to have your eyes checked. I deleted my previous post. One stint as a public relations nightmare was enough for me. I don't want history to repeat itself. Hit the erase button on your memory if you read it. This organization did not deserve such a negative and hateful post.

I am the problem. I do not know how to get along with the staff. The staff has difficulty getting along with me. (See a pattern?)  Upon approval, I am going to start behavioral therapy. First alone, then with the staff here in hopes of all of us gaining a better understanding of one another and working out our issues.

The staff here are people with their own lives and struggles. They are not bad people. They show up every day no matter how their feeling. They make sure we are happy they make sure we are fed and safe. (You don't bite the hand that literally feeds you.)

I want to get better. I want to have a better working relationship with the staff here.

I might check out a couple of nursing homes too. Cuz hey, you never know. For now, I am committed to making things work here. I don't want to be a three-time loser.

I am excited about behavioral therapy. Until it starts all of us will be working on the three p's. Positivity, politeness, and patience. I will try not to be so set in my ways. No guarantees though. I am old. It goes with the territory. Ha. I am so witty,

A while ago I emailed the director some questions for an interview. I hope she's still up for it. She is an amazing woman. She makes sure all of us have what we need. I can't wait to read her responses.

  

UGLY LAWS

Between 1867 and 1974, various cities of the United States had unsightly beggar ordinances, in retrospect also dubbed ugly laws. 

For instance, in San Francisco a law of 1867 deemed it illegal for "any person, who is diseased, maimed, mutilated or deformed in any way, so as to be an unsightly or disgusting object, to expose himself or herself to public view." 

Exceptions to public exposure were acceptable only if the people were subjects of demonstration, (They put us on display.) to illustrate the separation of disabled from nondisabled and their need for reformation.  Source: Wikipedia 

I found out about the ugly laws on Instagram. I was shocked. Surely the person who posted about the ugly laws was misinformed. I googled. I felt sick to my stomach. It was true. Ugly laws had existed in some cities in the U.S. until 1974. 

I want you to imagine being forced to stay in your house, being fined, jailed, or sent to a workhouse because the sight of you made people uncomfortable. People called you disgusting. 

These laws were not repealed until 1974.

The ramifications of these laws speak volumes.  The ripple effects of these laws are still being felt today.

In the '80s United Cerebral Palsy would not hire me because I'd make parents "feel uncomfortable."

Is it really so difficult to understand why so many of us feel inferior?

Is it really so difficult to understand why those of us with disabilities fight so hard to be listened to? 

Is it really so difficult to understand why we continue to fight so hard to be heard?

Ugly Laws.

Google it.

Think about it.

 

EASTER DINNER

"What are we having for dinner on Easter," the old woman asked.

"Easter is still days away. For someone so concerned about how much they weigh you sure are fixated on food." came the reply.

The old woman chuckled to herself. It was true she did look forward to meals. Planning in her head what she'd eat. 

Although there were times she did not have much of an appetite 

During those periods the old woman craved junk food/comfort food. Chocolate, Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia Ice cream,, mashed potatoes, and Lucky Charms.

The old woman had learned that all the food cliches were true. She'd laughed at them before. She'd never understood why some people ate the way they did.

But now...

Food was a comfort to the old woman as well as nourishment for her body. 

A bite of warm mashed potatoes. were like a hug. Food never judged or yelled at you. Food never made you feel inadequate or ashamed. . Food is/was there for you.

The old woman closed her eyes. 

She saw herself as a child watching her mother make Easter lamb cakes sneaking a jellybean, popping it into her mouth when her mother turned her back. She remembered the year that her mother had iced one of the lambs with chocolate icing. omitting the coconut because no one really liked it. That lamb is forever known as The Black Sheep of the Family

The old woman shut her eyes tighter willing more memories to return. Her mind is like a movie screen. Her memories are the film 

She's waiting in the car. outside of The Honey-Baked Ham Store for her mother to return with their Easter ham.

The old woman remembers celebrating Easter at her brother's house after her mother's death. She tries hard, but can't remember what was served. She knows the meal was delicious. She also knows it was not ham. No one really liked ham except her mother. The old woman loved the rum and cokes her brother made for her. 

Two years in a row her mother had given her a hollow chocolate egg with a yellow marshmallow Peep inside. The old woman loved to see the egg cracked open. One little Peep, so cut,e waiting patiently inside the egg. The old woman vowed she would never share this memory with another living soul. She was well over forty when her mother had given her that egg. She feared that people would think that the old woman had lost all of her faculties.

When the old woman opened her eyes tears were rolling down her cheeks. Happy tears. She'd traveled home for Easter.

She was fixated but not on food.

The old woman was fixated on memories.