CARPE DIEM

2020 taught us that our lives can change in the blink of an eye,  We've always known it. COVID-19 has shown us how fragile and fast a blink is. 

The positive lessons I learned in 2020 are:

Life is short

Appreciate family and friends

Do the things that bring you joy

Be proud of who you are

It's okay to be weird and crazy

You don't need a lot of friends

One or two who get your  weirdness is enough

Laugh a lot

Don't let anyone steal your joy 

Carpe Diem

Seize the day

Happy New Year!

 

ROCKIN' AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE

Christmas 1970.  I received The Partridge Family's first album that year. It was the first album I'd ever gotten.  I'd bought 45's but never an LP. This was a big deal.

I became, like every other girl my age, obsessed with the series, and David Cassidy. Besides buying their albums I had a subscription to Tiger Beat's Official PF Magazine, and I became a member of their fan club. I am proud to say I had a full set of PF bubblegum cards and even a PF comic book  Was I a fan or what?

When the cover of my copy of Tiger Beat's  Special David Cassidy edition came off,  my grandma made a new cover for it. She also helped make. a PF scrapbook. She'd cut the pics out of magazines. I'd glue them onto the scrapbook pages. (More about my cool grandma later..)

In November of 1971, The Partridge Family's Christmas album was released. I told my mom I wanted to buy it. She told me I'd get one for Christmas. Not before Christmas. What?  She could not be serious.

"But Mom," I wailed, "what good is a Christmas album if you get it on Christmas? I will only get to listen to it for a day. Christmas will be over. I'll have to wait a year to listen to it again. All my friends are getting it now. I'll be the only one who isn't." (Yep I said it)

"I don't care when all of your friends are getting it. You're not getting it until Christmas," my mom told me. She meant it.

My grandma had broken both of her hips. She used a walker. She'd not done her own Christmas shopping for many years. My mom did it for her. While I was wailing about how I'd die if I did not get The PF Christmas Album before Christmas the album was safely tucked away next door at my grandma's house. My grandma planned to give it to me.

When my grandma heard about my plea to get the album early she overruled my mom and gave it to me. (My grandma was the most awesome person on the planet. My grandma's cool factor that year was off the charts.)

I remember the green album cover with snowflakes on it. The slot held a Christmas card from the cast The back cover featured a photo of  Shirley Jones and David Cassidy done in snowflakes. All was right in my world.

I think my mom loved that album even more than I did. Playing it became a tradition for us. She enjoyed the entire album/ Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree was her absolute favorite. She'd dance around in our living room while I feigned embarrassment.

I listen to The Partridge Family's rendition of Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree on YouTube every year. This year I listened to the whole album via Spotify. I teared up.

It is Christmas at my house. Her favorite Christmas album is playing. My mom?  She is dancing her heart out.

Image Credit: Amazon Music

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I DON'T NEED SHINY AND NEW

The halls of the house have been officially decked out for Christmas. Money was donated to buy new decorations. All shiny and sparkly. Three mini trees. One for each of us. I turned down the new decoration. 

My tree was given to me by my friend Nancy. She gave it to me for my first Christmas here. A white tree stands in the living room of the house. My housemates chose it. Don't misunderstand me. White Christmas trees are cool. I am not trendy. I am old school. Christmas trees are green.

My mom painted the wooden ornaments the entire year after my father died. They were on our tree for our first Christmas without him. I can still see her sitting at a card table painting them while we watched TV. I can't imagine having a tree without her ornaments on it.

My paternal grandparents owned a grocery store. This Santa looks dapper, in his white boots. He was the Coca-Cola Santa one Christma. My grandparents gave him to me. I think I was about four years old. I remember stroking his beard the entire day. Santa stood proudly on our coffee table at home every year.

My Christmas stocking. isn't it cute?

 By the time I arrived, the pattern that my mom used to knit my brother's stockings had been discounted. No wreath and candle for me. I got a snowman. My stocking is smaller too. I love my stocking Sixty-three Christmases. It looks as good as new.

Lucie loved Christmas. She went crazy the year her stocking arrived filled with treats. Each year after that whenever she saw her stocking she knew Santa was coming so she'd better be on her best behavior. Santa never forgot her even though Lucy was never on her best behavior.

These decorations remind me of eating Ravioli and The Pasta House Salad on Christmas.Eve. I ate my mom's burned Christmas cookies for dessert. (A little charcoal never hurt anybody.)  Opening presents. My brother gave me a bottle of Electric Reindeer. My family. Laughter and fun.

Vintage decorations. The history.The memories. Those decorations are the best.

 

 

MARGARITAS ANYONE?

A friend came to visit me shortly after I moved into the nursing home. I was complaining about how I did not belong there. I was complaining that I did not want to be with old people

It was at that moment that Suzanne rolled past us. My friend saw Suzanne and said, "She seems nice. You should try to be friends with her." 

Suzanne has a presence. I don't know if a person can look regal driving a powerchair but Suzanne does. Everyone knows who she is.

The fact that she lives in a nursing home didn't matter. Her hair and make-up were always done. Her outfits and earrings always matched. Suzanne is high maintenance. (in a good way.)  I liked the fact that being in a nursing home hadn't changed who she was. Being in a nursing home had not altered her sense of style. 

Over time we became friends. We sat on the garden patio with the rest of the residents who lived on that floor. Suzanne and I started sharing a table at Happy Hour. We talked about how lame some of the entertainment was. We both adamantly refused to play Name That Tune Bingo during Happy Hour.  (Sorry Lydia) 

From Margaritas to Hurricanes, the two of us would be there almost every Friday even after I moved here.  Until COVID that is. No one cared if we got a little tipsy.  Dinner was right after Happy Hour so no worries. 

Suzanne will try to help anyone. Whatever challenges life throws at her. She takes it in stride. She has lived in a nursing home for over ten years. I have rarely seen her in a bad mood. Suzanne takes things in stride.

The last time I saw Suzanne was in March of 2019. I will miss seeing her over Christmas and in the New Year'.  There is no one to have a drink or two with here. (I am the only client at this agency who is allowed alcohol)) There is no one to joke with about how lame things are.

Each year since I left I have looked forward to celebrating Christmas and New Year's Eve.' at the nursing home. Ringing in the New Year at noon is not so bad. I am getting too old to make it until midnight.

Suzanne always asked me if I was coming back the following week. The last time I visited she added, "Every time I hear a crash I think of you." We counted the number of dishes that were dropped during dinner. Forgive me, dietary staff. I gotta say it is nice to be remembered. 

Suzanne, raise a glass for me this holiday season. I will be raising one for you.  

MY TWO CENTS

 

Today is International Day of Persons With Disabilities. 'I guess I'm old. I do not a day to celebrate myself. The happiest day of my life will be when we won't have to raise awareness or teach anyone. if society does not know we are people of value and worth by now, they never will. My Facebook post on December 3, 2020.

It's almost 2021. I am tired of educating,, explaining, and being viewed by some as an inspiration. That really makes me uncomfortable. I have done nothing inspirational in my life. (The health care workers who are putting themselves at risk during this pandemic are an inspiration.) I have just lived my life

I was not aware of this day. My first thought when I saw a post about it was when are all of these disability awareness days going to end?

Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I am unique, This means that my viewpoint on an issue about disability is the opposite of everyone else.

Here are my two cents on an international Day of Persons With Disabilities/Disability Awareness Days.

We say we are equal to our able-bodied peers. If that's true then why are we always calling attention to our disabilities?

Awareness days will not make a difference in whether we are accepted or not. In my opinion, all of these disability awareness days may have the opposite effect. They may turn people off. I have CP. My second thought when I saw that Facebook post was, Oh God, not another one.

I do not think we will ever be truly equal to or accepted by our able-bodied peers. That's just how it is. We need care and assistance most people don't. We need accommodations that most people don't.

If we want people to see us for who we are. We need to focus on our accomplishments. Everything we do does not have to be linked to our disabilities.

If a person with a disability has the determination to achieve a goal then go for it. All the disability awareness days in the world won't make a bit of difference. How they present themselves to society, along with their skills and abilities, That's what will matter.

I am not a radical (fight the system) kind of person. You won't see me marching for disability rights. That does not mean I don't support those who choose to do so.

I believe people with disabilities should be treated fairly and equally in all aspects of life. I am just not sure that celebrating disability awareness days is is helping us in achieving our goal.

men

NEW WHEELS 2020

I  said goodbye to an old friend. A friend who had been with me for 20 years. A friend who'd seen me through deaths, hospitalizations, entering a nursing home, and moving to a group home.  Except for having my friend's parts replaced my friend had never given me.a bit of trouble.

My friend was dirty. Scratch that. My friend was filthy. The dirt and scrapes my friend had endured symbolized how hard they'd worked for me. The many miles we'd traveled together.

People would ask, "How old is your chair anyway?" And then declare, "You need a new w chair." 

"It still runs. It still gets me from place to place. It has never failed me," I'd reply. My friend and I  would roll away giving the offending person no chance to reply.

I have a new friend now. It took over two years for us to meet. My new friend is a shiny pink bubblegum color. They have a horn and the joystick lights up like Christmas lights.

My new friend came equipped with a better back, seat, and cushion to help my posture. My new friend has two speeds.  The turtle graphic on the joystick means slow. The bunny graphic means get out of the way.

You may think it is silly of me to refer to my new powerchair as my new friend. My powerchair is my legs. It gets me where i need to go. Without it, life would be a lot harder. So, yeah, it's my best friend.

 A (not so fun) fact: The batteries for powerchairs are now made in China. It takes four months for them to get to the United States. I will take very good care of my chair's batteries. Count on it.

I hope my new friend is with me for the next 20 years. 

Okay, New Wheels 2020. Let's roll.

OH TIFFANY, OH TIFFANY

Gail, Tiffany, Debbie, and me

"Who let her back in here? We're going to have to put a sign on the door. Joanne's not allowed back in here. She drinks our liquor, (As this photo illustrates I will even try to drink a Margarita made out of cardboard. I have no shame!) eats our food, and uses our scale Why is she allowed back here?"

It was with these loving words that I was greeted by Nurse Tiffany every Friday when I arrived for Happy Hour.

Allow me to explain a few things, to you Tiffany. Do you have a moment?

I came to the nursing home each week to spread joy and happiness as only I can. Can I help it if I was offered a Margarita and snacks?  It would have been rude of me to refuse. I even have my own Margarita glass there. I eat dinner with my friends to get the latest nursing home scoop. The good, the bad, and the ugly. The scale on T-3 and I have an understanding. It knows not to go over 112 lbs. 

If Tiffany did not call me Trouble or give me trouble I would have thought there was something wrong. I looked forward to her good-natured harassment every week. I miss it. 

When I lived in the nursing home I rolled across the hall to ask for her help more times than I can count. Tiffany never made me feel guilty, She never was short-tempered. She just got me the assistance I needed. She helped me even though I was not on her hall.

During this holiday season help someone even if they are not your responsibility. Make someone smile. That's what Nurse Tiffany does every day.

NURSE GAIL'S GOT THE SPIRIT

 One of the people that I will miss seeing this holiday season is Nurse Gail. She is one of the best nurses around. Nurse Gail embodies all the qualities that make up a good nurse...

Kindness

Empathy

A calming presence

She's never short-tempered

She treats her residents with dignity and respect

She listens

She cares

Nurse Gail also embodies another important quality:

The spirit of Christmas

She loves making people happy. One way she makes people happy is by dressing up in costumes. If it lights up, blinks, or glitters Gail will be wearing it.

The last Halloween I visited the nursing home Gail wore my two favorite costumes Imagine this. A  happy hippo sporting a pink tutu coming up to you and dancing alongside your powerchair. i laughed for a full five minutes. My other favorite costume of Gail's that Halloween was her pink unicorn costume. She was so cute.

Whenever Sterling or DJ Ron entertained at Happy Hour, Gail would be dancing either by herself or with the residents. Her spirit of fun and enthusiasm was/is infectious. She knows how to party.

The photo in this post was taken at  Mardi Gras 2020. I had no idea it would be the last time I'd visit the nursing home this year. Nurse Gail put those glasses on me. I couldn't see. That was okay.

I am sad that I won't get to see Nurse Gails Christmas costume this year. Whatever it is I know it will full of glitz, glam, and fun.

The spirit of Christmas is joy and love, Nurse Gail's got the spirit. Not only at Christmas, but the whole year through

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MASK UP

 I watched this video on CNN's website.

 https://www.cnn.com/videos/health/2020/11/26/icu-nurse-how-it-started-how-its-going-coronavirus-pandemic-nr-bts-vpx.cnn 

A young ICU nurse posted photos of herself online. One at the beginning of her 12-hour shift, another at the end of her 12-hour shift. The difference between the two photos was shocking.

The effects of wearing a mask for 12 hours were visible on her face. She endured online harassment for posting the photos, for trying to let people know what her job is like. Not having enough resources. Watching patients die. Being powerless. Knowing there is nothing she can do.

One question kept running through my mind as I watched the video. WHO WILL NURSE THE NURSES? Who will make sure that they are not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually okay?  Do people even care?

After the Thanksgiving weekend, the number of Covid cases will rise. Why? Because people do not believe COVID is real. People don't believe it can happen to them. People are selfish. The mandated guidelines do not apply to them.

These are the same people who'll apologize profusely when they get the virus and through their selfishness spread it to other people. They are also the same people who'll welcome the care of a nurse as they fight the virus.

Nurses worked hard before COVID. I can't imagine how tired they must be as the pandemic continues. They put their lives at risk every day and the lives of their families too. Think about it.

Don't be an ass. Wear a mask.

HAPPY (COVID) THANKSGIVING

The governor of Missouri declared a state of emergency. He issued a mask mandate until March as hospitalizations due to COVID continue to rise.

At this time last year, I was looking forward to having a Thanksgiving feast with my friends at NHC. Delicious food shared with good friends combined with conversation and laughter. There is nothing better. I even wore a turkey hat. Only Tina from the activities department could get me to do that.

Thanksgiving 2020. There is no feast at NHC. Not for the public anyway. I hope there is a feast for the staff and the residents. Maybe a little wine too? I want my friends to know how much I miss them. Hopefully, by Thanksgiving 2021, we'll be able to celebrate together again.

I won't be celebrating with my family, but I will have one of our traditional Thanksgiving casseroles. My sister-in-law is making my mom's carrot casserole and shipping it to me again this year. There are so many memories attached to that dish. I will have my family with me when I eat it on Thanksgiving. I won't feel as lonely. I want to thank my sister-in-for for taking the time to make the casserole. She makes my mom proud every year.

Thanksgiving will be quiet. I will spend the day watching movies. Watching movies is a way for me not to feel alone. I can get lost in a story. Movies bring me comfort. A shot of Fireball will make the day better too.

I want to thank the staff for sacrificing time with their families to ensure my housemates and I have a good Thanksgiving. I am grateful.

Even with Covid restrictions, there is still so much to be grateful for. My family and a  carrot casserole.

I wish you all a safe and HappyThanksgiving.

What a turkey!

GIVE A LITTLE PIECE OF YOUR HEART

When I was six I gave my nursery school my Patti Playpal doll.  If you were lucky enough to have been given a Patti Playpal doll it was a big deal. 

The doll was as tall as a four-year-old.  Mine was dressed in a blue party dress. She wore ankle socks and black patent leather shoes. Her hair in pigtails.  My mom begged me not to give her away. I did it anyway.

When my mom asked me why. I wanted to give my doll to nursery school I don't remember what my answer was. It was probably as simple as cuz iI wanted to. 

In my teens, when a friend and her little girl came to visit, I gave her my handmade Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls. I could see how much she loved them.

I've given my nieces a lot of my things just because I could see how much they liked them. Seeing the joy on their faces was the best gift I could have received.

All of us have too much stuff. People say regifting is tacky. I disagree. If you give someone something of yours that has given you joy, made you happy that is like giving them a little piece of your heart. A little piece of yourself.

Our holidays will be different this year. 2020 might be the perfect year to give someone a gift that has special meaning you. You may give a material thing away, but you are not giving away your memories

I love shopping. I am not saying don't shop for gifts. I am saying that this year, when we may not be able to be with friends and family, think about giving them a special memory. Consider giving them a little piece of your heart.

May you have peace. May you have joy. May you have love this holiday season.

THE WINDS OF CHANGE

The winds of change are blowing.

Can you feel them>

Love and compassion are replacing hate and selfishness.

A bully never wins.

The winds of change are blowing.

Can you feel them?

No more mocking.

No more ridicule.

Acceptance.

Inclusion

Diversity celebrated. 

The winds of change are blowing.

Can you feel them?

No more fake news.

Only facts.

The winds of change are blowing.

Can you feel them?

Vice President-elect Kamala Harris. 

The first woman of color to hold the office.

She won't be the last.

Girl power to the max.

The winds of change are.blowing.

Can you Feel them

No more walls.

No more cages.

Everyone will be welcome.

Everyone deserves a chance.

The winds of change are blowing.

Can you feel them?

.Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will heal the soul of America.

They will make us proud.

They will run the government for all the people.

Not for their own interests.

The winds of change are blowing.

Can you feel them?

Fear and despair are gone.

Hope and excitement abound.

The winds of change are blowing.

Get ready...

January 20th, 2021 

 “No, the purpose of our politics, the work of our nation, isn’t to fan the flames of conflict, but to solve problems, to guarantee justice, to give everybody a fair shot.” - President-elect Joe Biden

"To the American people—no matter who you voted for—I will strive to be a Vice President like Joe Biden was to President Barack Obama: loyal, honest, and prepared, waking up every day thinking of you and your families." - Vice President-elect Kamala Harris

THE PANDEMIC....GOD'S PEP TALK

 God: I know you feel like you're living in a box. The government said two weeks in March. It's been eight months. You wonder if your life will ever be normal again.

Masks are difficult for you to wear. The mask slides down leaving your nose exposed. You find it even more difficult to be understood wearing a mask.  A mask is uncomfortable for you to wear. You are not alone. Masks are uncomfortable for everyone. 

I know that you are unhappy with your current living situation. You are stressed.  Sometimes the pressure becomes too much. You become confused... There have been times when your memory has failed you. Do not be afraid. It's just stress. The pandemic has only intensified your stress. 

Nighttime is the most stressful. You need assistance. You do not mean to disturb anyone when you try to get the assistance you need, but you do.  You want to move to a facility. Unfortunately, you can't right now. You want peace. You want your housemates to be at peace as well.

There are some positives in all of this.

You are safe from Covid-19\

You have family and friends who keep in contact with you.

The group home is allowing you to have visitors wearing a mask and social distancing.

 Be thankful.

The holidays will be different for you this year. You'll miss your friends and family more than ever. Be strong. Be happy. You are not alone. I will be with you.

Give your stress and worries to me.

I've got this.

DEATH ...GOD'S PEP TALK

Death. Every living creature is inevitably born. Every creature lives and dies.

I think about death a lot. I wonder what crossing over was like for my mom. What will .crossing over will be like for me?

Scientists have reported that the white light and other images the dying see are just the synapses of our brain misfiring. 

A friend told me that our birth and death are the two times that we are closest to God  Angels were around us when we took our first breath, and they will be around when we breathe our last. 

Whether you believe in the scientific explanation of what happens when we are crossing or the spiritual one, I believe God is present.

What will my final pep talk from God be like?  Here are the words that I hope to hear.

God: Your time on Earth is almost over. In a matter of minutes, your body is going to die. Don't be afraid, Your body was the vessel that housed your soul while you lived on Earth. Your soul will move on. A new beginning. A life of love and acceptance A reunion with those you love. You will finally be free.

I was with you when you started school. I watched your tears fall when the other children made fun of you. I saw your disappointment when your friends. walked with crutches. You fell every time that you tried. I was with you through the pain of wearing long leg braces and night braces.

I saw your exhilaration the first time you drove a power chair. I saw how proud you were when you received your MSW. I was with you through all of it. I have never left your side. 

You were afraid you did not make a difference in your life. I can assure you that you did. You were an example to others with disabilities. You got an education before anyone thought it was possible. You created a job for yourself when other people told you that you were unemployable, You were an advocate for others with disabilities. You showed them what can be accomplished through hard work and determination.

You became a talented writer. Every person who reads your blog posts comes away with something new. A new idea or a new point of view.

I know the pain that you felt when your mother died as well as when Lucie died. I saw the disbelief in your eyes when you were forced to leave your home. I felt the loneliness you experienced in both the nursing and group homes. Your blog caused trouble. You did your best to undo the damage. It was too late. Some things just can't be fixed. You could not go back. That was a difficult and painful lesson for you.

I saw how tired you were  You prayed to be reunited with your mother. It was not your time. You had more to teach and more to learn.

You had the support of your family and friends. You met amazing people in your lifetime. There won't be a funeral. There will be a party to celebrate your life. It will be joyous.

I am proud of you. You indeed made mistakes.  You tried. You survived. You never gave up.

It's time,

Be happy.

Be at peace

Death is not the end.

GOD'S PEP TALK

 How awesome would it have been if God have given us a pep talk right before we were born?  His calm voice reassuring us that we've got this. Everything is going to be okay.

 My pep talk might have gone something like this:

God: I am allowing you to see your world two and a half months early/ As a result of my allowing this, you will not be like other children. You'll have a disability called spastic cerebral palsy. Spastic quadriplegia is the most severe form of CP. I chose to give you spastic CP because I know you are strong. 

I am not going to tell you everything about your CP. I want you to discover things about it on your own when it is right for you.  You're parents and grandparents will help you. They already love you more than you will ever know.

Use your disability to educate others. Advocate for those with disabilities who cannot advocate for themselves. I want you to think of your CP  as my gift to you, You will meet amazing people. You will have some unique experiences because I have given you CP.

Some people won't take the time to really get to know you. They will make assumptions about you based on what they see.  That's sad. You will grow up to be an intelligent woman. I don't make mistakes. 

You'll go through difficult times. There will be tears. There will be laughter too. 

You'll want to give up. You are a fighter. Quitting won't be an option for you.

It's time. Are you ready?

There is no need to be afraid. I have your back. Now and always.

 

THE END (FOR NOW)

I have not written a blog post since July. My heart just was not in it. The reality that my posts are the main reason that I can never be a resident at NHC again has broken my spirit.  I don't feel I have anything of value to say anymore. I have only myself to blame. I never want my words to be a public relations nightmare for anyone again.

I wrote great posts in my head. I just did not have the energy to post them. I am sure the pandemic is a factor as well.  I have watched a ton of movies. How did we survive before streaming services?  If you need recommendations feel free to message me.

I worry about a lot of things. The upcoming election, if I will ever get a new power chair, and if I will ever see my friends again. My biggest worry is that I will never find a place where  I truly belong.

I think about the past all the time. My family members who are no longer with me. My friends who passed away. I think of them every day. I pray for my family every day.

I may blog again in the future. I will never say never.

September 11, 2001, We will never forget.

 

SHE'S READY FOR HER NEXT ADVENTURE

Julie is an award-winning dietician. You may remember the blog post I wrote about her in 2016/  https://confessionsofadisableddiva.blogspot.com/2016/03/shes-never-bored.html Julie works hard. Julie cares.

I didn't plan to write this blog post. I was afraid I would get too sappy. In a few weeks, Julie will be moving to a  new city to begin the next chapter in her life. I felt  I had to honor her in a post. If I get sappy, Julie, deal with it.

When Julie and I met I was crying. (What else is new?) I'd been at NHC for two days. I was a mess  She was not bothered by my hideous ugly cry. She was calming and reassuring. (She was calming and reassuring at my monthly weigh-ins which were traumatic for me. After my weight check she'd tell me to have the strawberry cream pit for dessert.) 

The weird thing is Julie has seen me at my best and at my absolute worst. Times when most people would have headed for hills without looking back. She was always there for me.  Julie made being at NHC better for me.

I always have sushi with Julie and our NHC friends, every year, for my birthday. (Except in 2020 thanks to  COVID-19)  

At Mi Fiesta Julie held my cup filled with a  Margarita for me. She kept refilling the cup until my head began to hurt. Not once did she utter the words that you would expect to hear in a nursing home, "Are you okay? I don't think that you should drink anymore."  Gracias, mi amiga.

All the things I could tell you about times I have spent with Julie I have already written about in other posts. 

There is one thing I have never written about that Julie had done for me. It is the thing that's meant the most to me. Every time Julie has gone to Mexico she has taken me with her. Not literally, but through her photos and gifts. I want you to know Julie that the shot glass from Puerto Vallarta is still in the envelope in my desk drawer. It's not because I don't like it. I love it. it is irreplaceable I don't want anything to happen to it. Keep the dream alive. Maybe we'll get to go to Mexico together someday.

Thank you for putting up with all of my craziness. I will miss you. I am not going wish you good luck, You don't need it  You got this. 

One more thing Julie. Don't forget me or I will find a way to come visit even if I have to roll there in my powerchair. I will find you. Chris can ride shotgun. Ha. I am so witty.

 I love you  Don't take any crap!!!

 

BURNED BRIDGES

Bridges connect us. They assist us in getting over rough terrain. Some bridges are made of steel/Some bridges are made of wood. Some bridges are covered, romantic Like those in the movie The Bridges of Madison County.

Bridges. They collapse. They burn.  leaving us disconnected. Alone.  Without a bridge to connect us, a place that was once so easily accessible, now seems a million miles away. 

No matter how much we wish we could turn back the clock, we can't. The bridge is gone. forever  Leaving in its wake twisted metal or a pile of rubble and ash.

Burned or destroyed bridges can leave us heartbroken.  Don't laugh. There is an actual diagnosis.

According to Google "Broken heart syndrome (also known as Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy)

is a group of symptoms similar to those of a heart attack, occurring in response to physical or emotional stress. Most people affected by broken heart syndrome think they are having a heart attack because symptoms, such as shortness of breath and chest pain, are similar in both conditions. However, those with broken heart syndrome do not have blocked coronary arteries, and usually make a fast and full recovery."

Ah, Google what would we do without you?

People tell us to build new bridges That's easier said than done. 

Broken bridges. Broken hearts. 

Pain. Sadness.

Make us stronger.

KEEP CALM...HUG A NURSE

Nothing ruins an evening more than being rushed to the hospital by ambulance. Arriving in the ER and being poked and prodded, having a myriad of tests done, and not being assigned a room until almost five o'clock in the morning. Yep, killed my night that's for sure.

You know what I noticed?  How kind everyone was to me. When I vomited, no one told me how disgusting it was or that they were not dealing with me because I might have Covid-19. EMT''s helped me. They reassured me. They saw how scared

I was.

In the ER I was given the same reassurance. No one chastised me for getting sick at the end of their shift. No one left me alone to finish paperwork they were three days behind on. The medical staff knew because i was lying down, if i got sick, I might aspartate. I was checked on frequently.

Once I was given a room, my nurse Sarah, as well as a student nurse, took great care of me. I was not told I irritated them when I asked a question more than once or told, Or that I was free to talk, but they did not have to listen or respond. They talked to me, Checked on me because I couldn't reach my call button. They cared. 

When I lived at NHC I wrote hurtful, negative blog posts. I have deleted them. I focus on my positive experiences while I lived there, but the memory of my words lingers on. NHC Town and Country Skilled Nursing Facility have a great nursing staff. I was only focused on myself and the negative. I refused to see anything positive. I got everything I needed. The nurses were kind and caring. They took their time with me. I was stupid. I could start naming names, but I might leave someone out. That would very bad. You know who you are. I hope I can see everyone again soon.

All of my procedures came back normal. I have one more to go. The scariest one. I have faith that with the assistance of a kind and caring nurse I will be just fine.

Nurses. They put themselves at risk every day. They put up with a lot of crap

Have you hugged a nurse today?

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WHAT IF?

Photo credit Cher Universe

I have been trying to write this post for a  week. The idea seemed like a cool one when I thought of it. A conversation between two women who, in my opinion, worked for many of the same goals. To fight injustice and to fight for equality for all people.

Was I being too presumptuous?  Frida Kahlo died on  July 13, 1954. I was not born until 1957. I have never visited  Mexico. How could I possibly write a conversation between Cher and Frida Kahlo?  What if I screwed up? 

 I decided to write what I felt and imagined the conversation between them would have been I hope my imaginings do both women justice. 

Their meeting takes place in the garden of La Casa Azul  (The Blue House.) Frida Kahlo's home. 

 https://www.tripsavvy.com/inside-la-casa-azul-

1589080  

Cher: Thank you for accepting my request to meet with you. I was inspired to record a song in Spanish after seeing the movie, Frida. The scene where the man was singing touched me deeply. So much pain in his voice. I wanted to sing in Spanish with the same passion and pain.

Frida Kahlo: I have heard your version of the song Chiquitita. It is beautiful. You did well.

Cher; The two of us have much in common. You share my love of animals. Your exotic birds and the monkeys in this garden are amazing. 

Frida Kahlo: My parrots are my friends. My monkeys represent the children that I was never able to have. My monkeys have been in several of my self-portraits.

Cher: I campaigned for four years to have Kaavan, a lonely elephant living, in chains in a zoo, in Istanbul freed  I am happy to tell you that earlier this year Kaavan was sent to an elephant sanctuary. The news that he had been freed was one of the great joys of my life.

Frida Kahlo: I would have done the same thing. Animals are living beings. They should not be caged or mistreated.

Cher: I  obtained special permission to come to Mexico to visit you amid the COVID-19 Pandemic. The flight crew on the plane that brought me here, was covered from head to toe in protective gear. We' are sitting here wearing masks and gloves, six feet apart. Our world has become one giant science fiction movie.

The murder of an innocent man, George Floyd, by police has sparked riots and protests. Some have been peaceful, some have not. I think to myself,  It's the twenty-first century, 2020. This can't be happening, but it is. It did. We need leaders who believe that all the people in the world equal.

Frida Kahlo: The pandemic is far from over. It is a thief that has stolen too many lives. Those in power did not heed the warnings soon enough. Now restrictions are being lifted. People are eager to return to their activities. I understand this, but they should be cautious. I fear the predictions of a second wave of the virus may be true. Safety is the most important thing. Wearing protective gear is a small price to pay to be protected. 

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Both of us know that all people deserve equality in all aspects of their lives.Mr. Floyd's death was a senseless, abuse of power by the police. More education is needed. Until the people of the world realize we are all equal. No one is better than anyone. It is everyone's responsibility to help one another. It is everyone's responsibility to strive for a peaceful world. I believe it can and will happen. It must. otherwise, there's no hope. There must always be hope.

Cher  The media refers to me as an icon. I do know about you, but I hate that word. I am no one special. I knew that would be famous. I began perfecting my autograph when I was eleven years old. I hope I bring joy to people through my work. I do what I can to help those in need, but I am no one special.

Frida Kahlo; I do not like labels. I am not special because I paint..I taught myself to paint after the bus accident. I was in a body cast for months. Learning to paint was my refuge. If someone relates to something in one of my paintings. I am happy. If someone hears me speak about equality for all and joins in my fight I am overjoyed.

Cher; Thank you so much  You have a beautiful home. I enjoyed meeting and talking with you.  

Frida Kahlo; It was my pleasure. Safe travels.

FOR MORE INFORMATION

Frida Kahlo: ttps://www.fridakahlo.org/frida-kahlo-paintings.jsp

Cher: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000333/bio

WORK FOR PEACE

My school was predominantly made up of black students. None of us ever thought about the color of our skin. We were just kids with disabilities. No one was better than the other.

In high school, when the white girls in my class called me names the black girls in my class accepted me. I was a nerd and a geek. not boy crazy, but starstruck. I devoured every movie magazine I could get my hands on. They didn't care about my geekiness. We were friends. The fact that I was white and they were black did not matter.

Kids don't care. They just want someone cool to be friends with. Why is it so difficult for adults? Just stop. 

Our country is being destroyed/ Both figuratively and literally. I get the protests, but not the violence and destruction.  How long will it take people to rebuild what they have lost? Is this the image of America we want the rest of the world to see? If a positive change does not happen soon I fear the principles this country was founded on will no longer exist.

I was pleased to see photos of Joe Biden speaking with some of the protesters. I was also pleased to see police marching alongside protesters in solidarity. 

George Floyd's murder was a heinous act.  Carried out by people who are supposed to protect us.

I see the images online. I read the stories. I want to do something. Writing is all I can do.

Please stop. Please unite. Please work for peace.

 

I HAVE NO WORDS

I have no words, but I had to write something. 

A man begged for his life, but they didn't care. Onlookers tried to intervene. They were threatened with pepper spray. Those with power did it because they could.

No amount of jail time will make up for this senseless act.

Hate is learned. Children learn by example. Adults have free will.

This was a crime against humanity. 

George Floyd was murdered for no reason. Say his name.

I wish Obama was still our president.

He cares. 

 

ENTRY 6

A REBEL ON WHEELS

Juanita  Randall. The only person  I had ever known who'd traveled all over the world. She had even ridden a camel in Egypt. I was impressed., I could not wait to be in high school so I could have her as a teacher. (Well, there was another reason. A high school girl was always given the role of  Mary in my school's  Christmas play. By the time I got to high school, the nativity scene had been removed from the play. I am not bitter or anything.)

Miss Randal was a no-nonsense teacher. The curriculum that she taught was just like any other high school. Her students learned Spanish, and read Charles Dickens and Shakespeare.  A requirement for graduation was that all seniors submit a term paper. If a student's paper did not meet her standards the student did not graduate. That never happened, but it was a motivation for students to do their best. 

My school began accepting students who were at all different levels of cognitive development. Miss Randall could not adapt to the way the school was changing. One day she walked out. She never looked back.

Adios Español.  So long, term papers. Cheerio Shakespeare. When Miss Randall walked out those courses left with her. I was crushed

Enter Penny. A hip, kinda kooky young woman who was our teacher, but wanted to be our friend. "Call me Penny," she told us. It took us a while. Scratch that. It took me a while to get over the disrespectful feeling I got every time I called her by her first name.

Because of the cognitively diverse group of students we now were, I knew that I wasn't learning what I needed in preparation for college. I'd had enough. "You're not teaching us anything!" I yelled at Penny one day. "What happened to the class in journalism? Our heated conversation was the talk of the school for a day or two. Nothing changed. I realized that Penny was doing the best she could under the circumstances.

I wanted Miss Randall to speak at my graduation.  I was not the only one in my class who wanted her as our speaker. One of the teachers assured me that she would not accept the invitation. None of the teachers had heard from her since the day she'd walked out. Miss Randall and I spoke on the phone occasionally. I was sure she would accept my invitation if I told her how much it would mean to our class.  I refused to back down. I think my class threatened to go on strike. I was told if we didn't drop the issue none of us would graduate. I dropped the issue. The former principal was our graduation speaker.

Thank you, Miss Randall, I hope wherever you are you know that the semester I  had you for a teacher left a big impression on me. You were the best teacher Elias Michael ever had. You believed we would succeed. You were preparing us to do so.  You were not as tough as you wanted us to think you were. You were completely different outside of your classroom. You were relaxed. Not tough as nails.  You were cool.

That was the first time I rebelled against the norm, Against authority/ I shocked everyone kid with a disability in the 1970s wasn't supposed to have opinions.  Hmm, How do you think I'd look in a black leather jacket?