I WROTE A BLOG POST

Some weekends are best spent playing Word Tornado. I thought it was okay to play word Tornado all weekend because it's like Scrabble. I am still using my brain, but I don't get a headache.  I get a headache, sometimes when I am trying to write blog posts or essays. I thought about blogging this past weekend, but I was like Scarlett O'Hara. I told myself "I'll think about that tomorrow."

I wrote (and deleted) a post titled  What's it like? I asked readers questions such as What's like to be truly independent? What's it to not have to be dependent on other people to assist with your personal care? What's it like to walk?  

I  asked these questions because I wanted my able-bodied readers to stop and think. To focus for a minute on all the things they automatically without giving them a second thought.  I have thought about true independence. I do wonder what it is like to be able to care for yourself.  I am happy and proud of who I am. If I didn't have CP,  I would be a completely different person. I still wonder though.  Especially since moving to a facility. It seems all I do I wait for the staff to help me.

I never want my readers to feel sorry for me. I am in an extremely stressful and difficult living environment. I am handling the best way I can. I  am proud of the personal growth I have achieved. Maybe that's why this happened to me. I needed to change. I needed to learn how to better interact with my caregivers. If I am given a second chance I want to succeed.

I want my blog posts to make my readers stop and think. I want.to give my readers an idea of what my life is living in a facility. I write about negative issues hoping for a positive change. I am grateful for your interest and support.

 I believe there will be a positive end to this chapter of my life. My new life is just around the corner. It's only a matter of time. 

  

ON MY OWN

In my last post, I told you that I would know by September 5th if I had been approved for placement in community-based housing.. I spoke with my case manager yesterday. She is still working my plan. Hopefully, she will submit it soon.

My case manager has spoken with my social worker regarding a sit and stand lift. I hope that is a sign that things are moving in a positive direction.

My family has helped me since the death of my mother in 2010. I want to take this opportunity to thank them for all they have done and continue to do for me while I live in long-term care. .I could not make it in this facility without them. They have never denied me anything. From grocery shopping to allowing me access to their Netflix account. I appreciate it all. I never take anything they do for me for granted. I love them all very much.

My family deserves to have their lives back. The past seven and a half years have been extremely difficult for them. I ask for their forgiveness.  If I am released from this facility I will be on my own  I will learn to pay my own bills. In order to be truly independent, the only person I can rely on is myself. I know my family wants the best for me. I know that they are hoping a better living situation will be found for me. I know that they just want me to be safe.

The government will not pay for a phone for me until I am released. I can even get a better power chair if I am released.  As long as I live here the government does not think that I deserve anything.

I want to thank the social workers for supporting me on this journey. Your interest, support, encouragement, and belief in me means more than I can say. 

This is a scary and exciting time for me. I won't know the outcome for several weeks. I continue to wait, hope and pray. Thank you, everyone, for your interest, love, and support.

3 DAYS AND COUNTING

September 5th, if things stay on schedule,  I will find out whether or not I have been approved for community-based housing.

I am both excited and scared. I am excited because I will be able to roll out of this facility. I never believed I belonged here. If I am approved that means The State of Missouri does not think that I belong here either. That will be extremely gratifying to me.

If I am approved I will have to manage on my own. I hope the state will assist in moving my things. I will also need to learn to live on very little income. That is what scares the most. I have to make this work. If it doesn't, I will end up back in a facility with any chance of getting out lost to me forever.

I know living in community-based housing will be better than living in a facility. Instead of having to share aides with thirty-nine other people the maximum number of people I will have to share an aide with is four. I am sure that I will not have to worry about missing my transportation if I  want to go out. I will not have to worry about wetting the bed.

I will not have to worry that I will have a male aide My case manager has documented my preference.

I am concerned about how everything will come together. The main thing I am concerned about is not having Wi-Fi. If I lost the ability to write and access the internet I would not know what to do with myself.

I hope that I have lots of visitors. I hope that my family has time to come visit me too.

Living in a facility has been the most difficult experience of my life. I have also learned a lot from the experience. I have learned to be more patient. I have learned that arguing will not get me anywhere. It makes people not want to help me. It gave me a negative reputation here. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned

I try not to think about how I will feel If I am not approved for placement.As I said in a previous post, If I am forced to have a roommate I will not survive.

Thank you, family, and friends on Facebook and Twitter. I would also like to thank the staff here who are rooting for me. Your support and/encouragement mean more than I can say.

 Please continue to send good vibes. Please continue to pray for me. 3 days and counting...

Stay tuned.