Friday, October 6, 2017

MOCKINGBIRD

I have moved to a different table in the dining room. 

The gentleman at my table cursed at me. His reason? I asked him to wait his turn. Most of the time, the servers bring his order to him right away. They are aware of how impatient he is. 

On this particular day, he had his food. A server was taking my order. I ordered soup. He interrupted me while I was giving my order. He wanted soup too.  I asked him to wait his turn. I told him that he had food. I told him that someone would get his soup in a few minutes.  "Go to Hell," was his reply.

I am used to him cursing me. It was what he did next that shocked me. He mocked my voice. I tried to talk to him. " Blah, blah, blah, ' he kept repeating. His tone was meant to represent my voice.  His tongue was sticking out.  I was hurt and self-conscious. My self-esteem hit rock bottom. I thought that we were adults. How could a grown man have been so disrespectful?

I get nervous when I talk. I become self-conscious of my voice.  Words get stuck. It is embarrassing.

I hate to use the phone. I am more comfortable sending an email or texting. I do not text very well. I try. The first time that I heard my voice on tape I could not believe it was me. My voice has a nasal tone. If I  am tired it can be whiney too. When  I saw my LTYM video  I told my friends that I should never open my mouth again.

Hearing the gentleman mock me made me feel that I wasn't good enough. That there was something wrong with me. I know that I am good enough. There is nothing wrong with me. I am fine the way I am.

Today is World CP Day. A day to show support for those of us living with Cerebral Palsy. Many people with CP cannot speak. They must rely on communication devices to speak for them. Today and every day I am grateful for my voice. It is a part of me. Nasal quality and all.  I know how lucky I am.

My voice. It's unique. So am I.










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