THE BEST RESPONSE

Those of us with disabilities spend our entire lives explaining ourselves. Answering questions. Advocating. Being disabled can be exhausting. being cared for by others. while greatly appreciated, is probably the most exhausting aspect of having a disability. 

We know all of our quirks. Reminding us of the negative only serves to make us feel as if there is something wrong with us. We begin to feel inferior. We know that we can be annoying and bothersome at times.

 We know how we like things done in relation to our care. Every person with a disability is unique. If two people have the same disability what works for one person may not work for the other person. Clear communication and the ability to listen and respect one another are the ingredients for a good client/caregiver relationship. 

Our caregivers have their own lives and issues. They show up, meet our needs to the best of their abilities and go home. The reality is caregiving is a job like any other job. Our caregivers are not meant to be our therapists.

If you are a friend or family member of someone with a disability, you want to help make that person's life easier, better but you are not sure how.

Here are my suggestions:

Let the person talk as much as they need to.

Listen.

Offer encouragement

(Here's the biggie.) Let them know you understand/

Two simple words. I understand. These two words validate a person's feelings. These words let the person know you are listening and that you heard them.

This applies not only to caregiving situations but to many situations a disabled person may encounter.

If they didn't get the job they were hoping for don't say, "You were too old to get the job anyway."

A more appropriate response is, "That sucks. I'm sorry. I know you are feeling down right now. Is there anything I can do to help?" 

Independent living is hard. Relying on others for our basic needs is hard. 

Be there if  we need to talk/or just vent

The best response?

I understand.